My Own Being
by Malevolent Reverie
Summary: Bulma is thrown for a loop when she discovers an unintended pregnancy. There is only one person she can lean on; someone who has adventured with her for years and will do anything to ensure her happiness. Goku/Bulma; dark themes
1. Gnawing

**A/N:** A lot of people have been asking for a Goku/Bulma fanfic and this was the best idea I conjured up. I'm sure it's been done before but I could not for the life of me think of a good darkfic for them. That said, this may change, and it's definitely going to be sad, but not screwed up in the way a lot of my other stories are. No worries about gore or anything but of course, there will be a sexual component.

**Warnings:** Strong sexual themes.

**Pairings:** Minor G/CC, B/V; major G/B.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

1) _Gnawing_

It was amazing how two small, thin blue lines could invariably change your life.

The bathroom fan whirred quietly as I stared in slack-jawed shock at the white test in my fingers, trembling slightly from my fear. Why was it a big deal? Mom and dad had plenty of money, I was only thirty, and I could easily support myself if push came to shove. My heart pounded so hard I could hear it in my ears and the test clattered to the floor.

I slumped over and burst into tears. No, no, no, this was not what I wanted. It had just been one time because the two of us were constantly bickering. Christ, why had I allowed him into my house in the first place? I should've taken Chi-Chi's advice and thrown him out on the street. I'd just come back from another planet and now I had a whole new set of problems to deal with.

Everything was caving in around me while I openly sobbed into my palms. I'd been feeling so sick lately that I hadn't even fixed my hair when I woke up. Chi-Chi called to ask how things were going having Vegeta in the house and I was always so exhausted that I could never call her back. No, no, I didn't want my whole life to fall apart because of one stupid night with that insufferable _prick._

Maybe it was a mistake. There were false positives with pregnancy tests all the time. I quickly threw the test back in the box, sniffling all the while, and buried it as deep in the garbage as I could. No one had to know what was going on. I'd put on my pretty smile and everything would be alright. Vegeta would leave to figure out what he was going to do with his destroyed planet and I'd be left to tinker with inventions for the rest of my life.

It wasn't possible after one night, was it? No, it couldn't be. If it was then Yamcha would've gotten me pregnant eons ago. I wiped the tears away from my eyes and stepped over to the sink to splash my face with some cold water. All I had to do was stay calm and let everyone see the regular Bulma Briefs; the one who was proud and confident and didn't let anything get her down.

There were more important things to deal with. Everyone was back from Namek in one piece and Goku was back home with his family at Mt. Paozu. I could visit them and see if Chi-Chi wanted to show me how to cook or something. I took a deep breath to steady myself and left the bathroom.

From the top of the stairs I could see mom watering plants near the front door, smiling to herself. I rushed down and she rose to squint at me before bursting into an even brighter grin. Dad was probably still in the lab with the cat looking into making Vegeta's precious spaceship.

"Where are you headed, sweetie?" mom asked.

It annoyed me to no end that she still asked me that kind of shit despite my age. I rummaged through the basket near the door for my car keys and shrugged.

"Out. I'm probably gonna go see Goku and Chi-Chi. Do you need anything?"

"Who, me?" She puckered her lips and tapped her chin. "Hmm… nope, I don't think so. If I do I'll give you a call on your little cell phone thingy."

I left the house and got in my new car, immediately pulling down the mirror to check my reflection. My face was still puffy and red. Mom saw me upset and frazzled all the time from my arguments with Vegeta but she never said anything. Dad was always too busy to really care.

The drive to Mt. Paozu was pleasant enough but my nerves were on fire. I was still trying to convince myself the test was wrong and that I was going to be okay but something in my gut told me it would lead to worse things. I huffed irately and hung my arm out the window. Whatever. I'd go home and give Vegeta the screaming match he was after.

We had only been home from Namek for a few weeks and things were already settling in. Goku had learned a new trick called instant transmission on another planet, Gohan was studying fervently and Chi-Chi was ecstatic to be a mother and wife again. Krillin was dating another ridiculous girl and Yamcha had sort of fallen off my radar. I was too busy trying to keep Vegeta under control.

I scowled and took out a cigarette. What an asshole. I'd never expected him to suddenly turn friendly living on Earth but he didn't even have the decency to thank me half the time. It would always escalate into a tremendous argument that my parents ignored, damaging parts of the house. I'd leave in a rage and come back to see everything fixed. If that moron managed to impregnate me…

There was smoke curling from the chimney at the Son household and Chi-Chi was outside hanging laundry. She turned when she heard my car and waved, attracting the attention of Gohan sitting near the side of the house. He leapt to his feet, garbed in another one of her ridiculous outfits, and ran over to greet me. As usual, Goku was nowhere to be seen, off training or fishing.

Gohan bowed politely as I stepped out of my car. I grinned and bowed back before ruffling his hat and strolling over to see Chi-Chi. She put her hands on her hips, beaming.

"What brings you up here, Bulma?" she asked. "I was just about to start dinner. Would you like to stay? We should have enough because Goku is out training again. I swear that man is going to give me a heart attack if he doesn't stay home for once."

I shrugged, offering Gohan a capsule to play with. He cheered excitedly and hurried off to hide things in it. "You know Goku. He's always done whatever he wants since we met. I guess I just needed to get away from the city air. It's been really uh… stuffy lately."

Chi-Chi raised an eyebrow. "Oh? Does it have to do with a certain Saiyan living under your roof?"

"Is Goku ever a complete jerk or is it just Vegeta?" I caved immediately, eager to complain about my resident jackass. While I talked I worked on helping Chi-Chi hang laundry. "It's like 24/7 I have to deal with his nonsense and the rest of the time I'm trying to keep my mother from watering the TV. Maybe it's time for me to get my own place or get married or something."

"Well Goku did smack his head off a rock when he was a baby. Otherwise, I'd be in the same predicament. Just let Vegeta rage around for a while. He's probably upset he's trapped on Earth with our inferior race, after all. Let's have some tea. Gohan can finish up the laundry."

Gohan did his mother's bidding without any complaints. I couldn't blame him. I'd seen Chi-Chi fly off the handle before at her husband and it was not a pretty sight. He flew up to hang the clothes carefully on the line while Chi-Chi escorted me inside her small home.

The floors were a bit creaky and rough but I did genuinely like the Son house. It was quaint and charming; kind of keeping the appeal of an old cabin. There were scent diffusers to keep the smell of pine needles pungent and not a speck of dirt could be seen anywhere. We went to the kitchen and I sat in a rickety chair, holding my forehead in my hands. I sort of envied Chi-Chi.

She put a pot of water on the stove and sat across from me to talk. Not a hair was out of place on her head but I'd thrown mine up in a lazy side ponytail. I leaned forward on the table, slowly smacking my head off the wood while she snickered to herself.

"This isn't fair," I groaned. "I'm so sick of him. He's going to kill me pretty soon."

"That's the price you pay for inviting him into your home. Goku warned you it was a bad idea." She furrowed her brow and looked up at the clock hanging over the stove. "Hmph, he's late again. Typical. Look, Bulma, don't get married unless you're prepared for constant disappointment. I tell you, no matter how many times I try to get Goku to come home on time…"

"Maybe Goku can talk some sense into Vegeta," I suggested. "Don't they wrestle or spar or whatever now? I think they're on speaking terms."

"I'll ask him if he ever comes home tonight. I have half a mind to send Gohan out after him."

An innocent idea dawned upon me. Little did I know what a ripple effect it would have.

"I can look," I said. "I made a new radar to sense power levels so I can find him in no time flat. I'll ask him and bring him back here for dinner."

Chi-Chi cocked her head, thinking deeply. "Are you sure? Mt. Paozu can be dangerous for humans like us. I'll send Gohan along with you just in case."

"No, it's fine." I rose from the table, smiling. "Goku's gonna get too distracted with Gohan around and forget to help me out. Don't worry, Chi, I'll make sure to get him back here in time."

"Well, alright. Please be careful, Bulma."

I winked at her and hurried back out to my car to get the new radar, brushing past Gohan tinkering with his capsule. Perfect. Talking to Goku alone was best because he was easily overwhelmed when there were a lot of people around. I'd bring him home to make Chi-Chi happy and I'd get the help I needed.

The radar beeped when it was activated, immediately bringing up the biggest power levels in the area. I knew Gohan's was technically a false because he was just a kid with a weird amount of strength, but there was a really big one deep in the mountains that caught my eye. I smiled and headed in that direction as Gohan watched curiously from the house.

Goku was always making me go on adventures.


	2. Aching

**A/N:** Yeeee, I'm glad you guys like this so far. :) I really want to do one alongside it. Goku/Bulla is my favorite pairing evar but I want to put him with other characters. It's so much fun thinking this stuff up, hehe. Chi-Chi may be next. I only stay away from her because there's no secret factor to their relationship, which is why I love pairing Goku with Bulla/Marron. Maybe I can think of a good plotline, something modern-day.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

2) _Aching_

The silence on Mt. Paozu was deafening for a woman from the city. I'd wandered through it when I was a girl before I met Goku and never liked how eerily quiet it was, only broken by the softly swaying tree branches under a gentle breeze. Twigs cracked underfoot as I made my way through the thick trees toward the faintly flickering power source on my radar. There weren't any squirrels watching me curiously or toads leaping out of my path in the nick of time. I was all alone.

The leaves were beginning to change color, bathing the entire mountain in beautiful sunset hues that made it all the more foreboding. I remembered talking to Goku during our adventures and asking him about life in the deepest parts of the mountain. He'd shrug and say it was fine. My textbooks told me another story; that it was a dangerous place only fit for wild animals.

Wind howled through the canopy of trees and I shivered as I drew my sweater more tightly around myself. Fear had become an emotion I didn't bother with after everything that happened on Namek. I'd watched an entire planet be blown to bits and numerous people die for no reason. I scowled, neatly stepping over a big fallen log. Vegeta was one of Frieza's cronies. His hands were tainted just as green with the blood of the Namekians, children and adults alike.

There was no way I'd have a _baby _with a coldblooded killer. He'd probably give me a swift kick to the gut when I finally told him what was going on. I shook my head rapidly to dispel the thoughts, still clinging to my delusions that the test had been wrong. I'd buy a few more to make sure.

Why couldn't everything settle down again? Goku had been able to get off the planet before it was destroyed and came home to his wife and son. The Namekians got their new planet. Frieza was gone along with his crew and all of our friends had been brought back to life. I thought my life would settle into a rhythm when I came back, too. I wanted to meet a nice guy and get my own place.

Then again, Capsule Corp. sort of ran in the family. I had to stay around because I technically worked with dad as a partner instead of blatantly mooching off him and mom. They were getting older, though. Mom kept talking about moving down south for retirement and dad heartily agreed. I'd have to run the corporation by myself and walk around the huge, empty building without any company.

My hand fell to my abdomen. Well, maybe I would have company. It wouldn't be so bad raising my own kid with so many resources at my fingertips. He'd be happy and spoiled to death. The only problem was the man I had sort of created said baby with. He was nothing but a thorn in my side.

"_Woman, where is my dinner?!"_

_Vegeta was sitting at the table with his arms crossed angrily over his chest. His stupid spiked hair was damp from the shower he took in my bedroom not even five minutes ago, using up half my shampoo in the process. There were some bruises across his biceps from a particularly intense training session with Goku that I hoped hurt like a bitch. _

_I whirled around and slammed my hands down on the table but it didn't faze him in the least. Most guys were scared of me when I got too intense. I didn't like when my authority was challenged, especially when it was some jerk like Vegeta. What an asshole, calling himself a "prince."_

"_Make your own damn dinner," I snapped. "I'm going to work on your ridiculous space ship so you can get the hell out of my house and back home."_

_The Saiyan scoffed. "What use will it be if I'm dead from lack of sustenance? Feed me before I destroy your home with your precious parents still inside. Chop-chop!"_

_We'd been living together for a few months at that point and every day was a battle. I tore open the cabinet above the stove and hurled a box of cereal across the room at his head that he narrowly dodged. It spilled across the floor and Vegeta stood up so fast that his chair collapsed to the ground with a clatter. I grabbed another box to throw at him but he was suddenly there, pinning me to the counter by my wrists, eyes glowering with rage._

"_What do you think you're doing?" I hissed. "I'll call the police if you don't get out. Better yet, I'll call Goku and have him come over here and kick your ass like he did before! You're not even a man. You're so pathetic that you can't even take care of yourself. 'Bulma, make me food!' 'Bulma, do my laundry!' 'Bulma, give me money!' 'Bulma, Bulma, Bulma!'"_

"_You invited me into your home, woman. I didn't demand anything from you that wasn't offered. Go ahead and call Kakarot—I'd love to pummel him in front of his family again."_

_We were close together but I was too furious to notice. It was a typical shouting match between the two of us but they usually stopped when we got in each other's faces. I struggled under his grasp, trying to weasel my wrists free and screamed when he refused to let go. _

_I writhed, beginning to notice Vegeta's body pressing against mine. "Get off me, you fat bastard! Get out and live in a cardboard box like all the other—"_

_Vegeta curled his lip in a snarl and seconds later, his lips captured mine in a bruising kiss. I immediately drew back and slammed my head against the cupboard in the process. Stars danced in my eyes as I woozily kissed the Saiyan back and felt my anger slowly morphing into something else. He deepened the kiss, ramming me into the counter so it sank uncomfortably into my back._

_His calloused hands moved to my shirt to push it up and he greedily felt my flat stomach while I tangled my fingers in his hair to push him closer. It was a blur. It happened so fast I could hardly believe it. At the same time, it made a lot of sense. Vegeta and I were both kind of spoiled brats. We resented on another so much that the feeling took on a life of its own and turned into something more._

_Soon we were upstairs in my bedroom. It became a race to see who could undress the other person first and Vegeta won by cheating: my torn clothes fluttered into a messy pile on the floor. My pulse was pounding with excitement and pure hatred. He was a killer, not someone I wanted to share my body with. What if he turned on me one day and I became more blood on his hands?_

_Using a condom didn't strike me as important. I thought I was protected by the sheer fact that I couldn't stand being around Vegeta most of the time. He groaned loudly, grunting deep in his chest when I told him to be quiet so we wouldn't catch my parent's attention. I was kind of surprised at how good he was in bed: it was a nice change from my vanilla sex with Yamcha._

_But Vegeta didn't cuddle. Not that I wanted him to. When we were both satisfied he left the room and I lit a cigarette, basking in the afterglow by myself. I'd considered starting a friends with benefits type relationship with him because he really was a good lay. Smoke curled to my ceiling._

Thinking of that night made me grimace. I'd been so careless and stupid sleeping with Vegeta like that. It had been three or so weeks ago and I'd missed my period, which prompted me to take a test. God, I had severely screwed myself this time. Even Krillen would've been better than fucking _Vegeta_.

The radar finally led me out of the woods into a big clearing with a pond in the middle, surrounded by a flock of geese. I hung back around the edge of the trees to squint at the screen and wondered if it was already broken. It said Goku's power level was right near me… was he trying to hide himself or—

"Hey there, Bulma!"

I shrieked in terror and tripped backwards over a branch, falling clumsily to my behind on the hardening ground. While I blushed furiously with embarrassment and rubbed my injured behind I saw a familiar face hanging upside down from a tree branch, head cocked curiously. His spiky hair had leaves and twigs stuck in it and a bird was settled comfortably on his chin. He grinned and shooed it away.

Goku was in his element. I'd never been able to imagine him settling down with a family, even when we were kids and he was playing pranks with Krillen. Now he was a bit of six feet tall but still a child at heart; an endearing combination that gave him unyielding charisma. His orange training uniform was stained with dirt and there were several holes torn in the chest.

"Typical Goku welcome," I grumbled, grabbing a tree to try to pull myself up. "I've been sent by Chi-Chi to bring you home for dinner and I have a favor to ask."

The Saiyan's brow furrowed and he dropped from the tree, quickly flipping over on his stomach and popping to his feet like it was nothing. He arched his back until it cracked. "Huh? Chi already made dinner? Wow, I wasn't expecting it this early." He continued doing stretches casually.

"A little help would be nice." My backside really hurt from the fall and I was having a tough time pulling myself to my feet.

"Oh, sorry about that!"

Goku leaned down and scooped me up bridal style in his arms before gently setting me on my feet. I yelped when pain jolted down my thighs and he quickly caught me as I swayed on the spot. He threw one of my arms around his neck and used an arm to support me around the waist.

I winced. "Ah, I must've pulled something the wrong way."

"No worries, I can carry you home. You're much lighter than Chi-Chi."

"Goku!" I admonished, laughing. "You can't say that about your wife. You're supposed to tell her she's thin and pretty and doesn't weigh a pound.'

My friend's furrowed brow indented even more and he scooped me up once again, carrying me bridal style. "Eh? But it's the truth. She's got a lotta muscle, like me!" He smirked down at me as we proceeded down the mountain. "You're kind of a lightweight, just like Vegeta."

I huffed. "Well, that's what I need to talk to you about. That jerk is still living in my house, demanding stuff from me and generally being intolerable. Can you convince him to leave?"

It struck me as odd that Goku wasn't using instant transmission but he probably preferred the walk to brace himself for the chewing-out he'd get back home. He raised an eyebrow, easily avoiding every obstacle without having to look. I pouted my lower lip and fluttered my eyelashes. It had never worked on Goku before but hey, a girl had to try what she had to try.

"Is he hurting you?" Goku asked. Now he was frowning, which was rare.

"Well, I mean, we get in a ton of fights because our personalities clash so much." I lolled back in his arms, picking at leaves as we walked. My back was _killing _me. "It's no big deal. I'm just used to having a guy like Yamcha who kind of does what I want. I can handle him just fine."

"But… but he's stronger than you. Even when I fight Chi-Chi I'm careful to make sure I don't hurt her badly. I don't like when she yells at me. Vegeta is way stronger than you are so that isn't a fair fight."

"We aren't doing the type of fighting you're thinking of," I said. "But that's okay. I'd prefer that you live in your world of sunshine and good old fashioned brawls."

Goku scratched his head. "There are other kinds of fighting? Chi-Chi just yells at me a lot and sometimes throws pans at my head but neither of us put our hands on one another. I don't get mad very easily, though. I'd rather let her win the arguments so we can sleep peacefully at night."

A breeze ruffled through his hair and my attention was drawn to it instead of the trees. I braced against his elbow to reach up and pull twigs from his crazy mop, hoping it would lessen Chi-Chi's rage. He smiled and cocked his head toward me to help as I chucked various things on the ground.

It was just a part of who Goku was. It drove me insane when we were younger and trying to find the Dragon Balls but his battle with Frieza reminded me that deep down, Goku knew what was right. He wasn't afraid to put himself on the line to protect others. Who cared if he wanted to go train and fish for the afternoon? He'd saved the entire universe for crying out loud.

I sighed. "Are we getting too old for this? Maybe both of us need to get our lives together."

Always smiling, always radiant, Goku beamed down at me. "Nah, why should we? Everyone is happy and the world looks great to me. The most important thing for me was being able to raise Gohan with Chi-Chi, instead of leaving her alone to do it. I wish she would let him come out with me."

"Guess you're right." I gently held the back of his head as I pried a particularly stubborn twig out. He had such thick hair, even worse than Vegeta's. "As soon as Vegeta's out of my hair I'm sure I'll feel better. I don't know where the hell he's going to go but he can't lurk around Capsule Corp. anymore. He'll probably run like hell when I tell him that I'm pregnant."

We stopped so suddenly that I almost flew out of Goku's arms. I wrapped his hands around his neck to keep from falling and realized I'd let the cat out of the bag as my friend stared down at me in shock. Shit. I didn't want anyone to know until I figured out what I was going to do about it.

"You're pregnant?!" Goku echoed in an elated tone. He immediately hugged me tightly to his chest, making the pain in my back increase tenfold. "Congratulations, Bulma! I'm guessing Vegeta is the daddy, right? Wow, I never pinned him as the type to want kids!"

I managed to pull away from his rock-hard chest to breathe, placing a finger to my lips. "Shh, this is a secret. No one knows except me and you, not even Vegeta."

There was more carefulness in Goku's movements now. He held me at arm's length, gently supporting my back. "Oh, are you going to surprise him? I remember how excited I was when Chi-Chi told me. I talked to Gohan every day and when he was born I even picked out his name. What do you want to name yours? Is it a boy or a girl?"

"I don't know yet," I said. "Relax. If you let this slip, I'll be really upset. I need some time to figure things out and I don't know how excited Vegeta is gonna be when I tell him."

"But… it's his baby." Goku's happiness turned into confusion. He held me close to his body again and I was grateful for the heat. "You two should get married and stuff now. I married Chi-Chi and it's okay. You get used to doing the same stuff over and over, and I want to make sure Gohan is happy. Won't Vegeta want the same thing for you two, even if you don't like each other?"

"It's hard to explain. You got lucky and married for love but that doesn't happen to all of us."

Then we were walking again. Goku had turned quiet, puckering his lips. "Love? Hm. I just did what I promised Chi-Chi, that's all."

We'd all been there the day he proposed to her. I remembered watching from the sidelines as she cried over his broken promise and I saw the panic flash across Goku's face. He looked to us, paralyzed with fear, and Krillen shook his head and hid his face. Even back then I hadn't been totally on board with them getting married but they seemed happy enough now. I smiled and encouraged him.

Goku awkwardly rubbed the back of his head like he always did and kept some silly promise he made as an innocent child. Chi-Chi was elated of course and kissed him over and over but he pulled away, making faces and frowning at her the whole time. He wasn't used to being touched.

Roshi laughed on the way home and said he'd give the marriage ten years before it fell apart. Goku was a free spirit, effervescent as the wind; a force of nature that couldn't be tamed. He was dutiful as a husband but we could all tell the smiles and cheek-kisses were a show. I felt bad for him, in a way. He had been roped into something he didn't understand and had parenthood thrust upon him.

But Goku took his role as a father extremely seriously. He was passionately devoted to Gohan's happiness and wellbeing, but his version of raising him properly differed vastly from his wife's. He wanted his son to grow up the way he had and learn independence and freedom. Chi-Chi technically had a better viewpoint: raising him to be smart and productive, but it was still had watching the two of them tug Gohan back and forth over those kinds of issues.

"Love has nothing to do with it," I said. "It just makes things messy."

"I guess you're right. Chi-Chi isn't all bad. She makes good dinner and sometimes she's in a good enough mood to let me—"

I covered my ears, turning red. "Goku, don't tell me that stuff!"

Soon we were back at the house. Chi-Chi hurried toward us when she me drooping in her husband's arms and she helped me hobble into the house. It was getting dark out. I was set up on the couch with an ice pack that gave me a good view on the yard outside.

Goku was throwing a ball with Gohan, grinning ear-to-ear. They were frighteningly alike. Gohan suddenly ran up and knocked Goku over then straddled his chest and cheered at his victory. Chi-Chi came outside a minute later and stormed over to drag Goku up by the ear, demanding he help her finish fixing dinner. He waved morosely to Gohan as he was pulled inside.

Gohan hung his head and plopped on the grass as crickets began to chirp. He pulled on strings coming loose from the ball when I heard a very rough cough come from him, nearly knocking him on his back. Poor kid had a cold.


	3. Boiling

**A/N:** I guess this is darkfic-ish. Meh, whatever.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

3) _Boiling_

Dinner was absolutely divine. Chi-Chi knew her way around a kitchen and made more than enough food for all of us that I wished I could take home. My mother was a bit of a dunce and I had grown up eating simple things, like frozen dinners and grilled cheese. None of it compared to what Chi could make. The meat was harvested from animals that lived on the mountain, courtesy of Goku, and she had her own vegetable garden in the backyard for the rest.

The discussion wasn't as pleasant. I awkwardly ate my delicious food while Chi-Chi reamed her husband out for being late. He didn't have his usual Saiyan appetite and stuck to pushing the food around his plate, nodding and drooping towards the table under the pressure of his wife's screeching. Gohan was impervious to their argument and happily popped morsels in his mouth, grinning at me.

It was to watch my childhood friend taking such a beating but I knew it was none of my business. I didn't live with them so I didn't understand how Chi-Chi felt, nor did I know the circumstances. They had a seven year old son to take care of and with Goku going to different planets to save the world, I at least partially understood Chi's anger. She was scared of losing her husband and being left alone.

I frowned slightly at the table. I'd never cared that deeply for someone. Yamcha was a short-lived ordeal and Vegeta was just such an insufferable asshole that I couldn't care less about what he did. I wondered how it felt to be so tightly tethered to someone that the thought of losing them could drive you insane. Chi-Chi must've sat up a lot of nights panicking and it probably got worse when Goku left to train. He was powerful but we all knew how fragile life was.

"Bulma, is your back feeling any better?"

My head snapped up, caught off guard by the lapse in Chi-Chi's yelling. She cocked her head slightly in her wait for an answer and I managed to stutter out that it was well enough for me to walk. The truth was that it still stung but I didn't want to listen to her scream at Goku all night.

But she spotted my lie a mile away. She daintily patted her mouth with a napkin and put a hand on one of Goku's broad shoulders. "Darling, why don't we put Bulma in Gohan's room for the night? She probably shouldn't walk until tomorrow morning at the very earliest. I'm sure Gohan won't mind sleeping in the living room for one night."

"No ma'am!" Gohan said quickly.

Sweat beaded on his forehead. I furrowed my brow, now noticing how pale he was. Maybe Chi-Chi had her own home remedies for that kind of thing. A simple cold wouldn't hurt Gohan too much. I'd watched him get beaten to a pulp by space aliens not too long ago and he survived it just fine.

"It's okay," I said, "I don't mind sleeping down here. It's better for my back anyway. But if you guys don't mind I'd like to wash up a bit before bed."

"Of course! Goku can bring you upstairs and lend you something to wear." Chi rose from the table, collecting a few plates. "Gohan and I are going to be leaving to visit my father at his new home further up the mountain. We'll be back tomorrow but I think the fresh air will be good for him."

"You're leaving this late?" I asked.

"Yes, there's going to be fireworks and a bonfire. It's a bit of a social get-together so I figured I should leave my very unsociable husband at home. Right, Goku?"

The Saiyan nodded dejectedly. He finally ate a piece of broccoli.

I helped Chi-Chi clean up most of the table and Goku left again without a word, ruffling Gohan's hair on the way out. The kid leapt out of his chair and pressed his face to the window to watch his father fly away into the encroaching darkness while Chi-Chi relegated all her complaints on to me. Gohan started coughing again less violently than before and the dedicated mother descended upon him.

She sighed. "Goodness, he's getting so ill. There must be something going around."

"I can finish cleaning up," I said. "You two should head out before it gets much darker."

Chi-Chi thanked me profusely and escorted her son upstairs to get him ready to leave. I returned to washing the dishes, nearly done by the time they came back down. She bundled Gohan up in a sweater that made it hard for me to say goodbye so I grinned and patted him on the head. The two of them took the car Chi-Chi demanded from Goku and drove off up the mountain path.

For a while I was alone in the house. I considered going out to look for Goku but my back was beginning to ache from standing and I didn't want to wander around Mt. Paozu when it was dark. I relaxed in the living room with my eyes closed, listening to the sounds of the crickets and other night creatures. They didn't have TV but I didn't mind. It was a nice change of pace from the usual hustle and bustle.

The door opened a while later and I glanced up to see Goku peering inside. He entered when I beckoned him and carefully walked over to sit beside me. This time he wasn't sweating. He leaned back and threw an arm around the back of the couch and stretched his legs out, getting as comfortable as possible.

"Prisoner in your own home?" I teased.

Goku's legs were so damn long. I stretched mine out as far as I could but they didn't come anywhere near his. He was always the best at everything. I could see why it drove Vegeta nuts and made him want to pummel his fellow Saiyan.

"Guess so. But it's okay." Goku picked a twig off his shirt and moved to throw it on the ground, then thought better of it and carefully set it on the coffee table. "She's worried about Gohan being sick. When he gets better she'll feel better and the yelling will stop. Kinda."

"You barely ate anything. That's not like you."

My friend turned his head toward me and offered an award-winning smirk. He could've taken home an Emmy with it. "Hey, don't talk about my eating habits. You're supposed to be eating for two!"

"I sincerely hope the test was wrong because Vegeta is probably going to kill me if it wasn't." I ran a hand through my hair and shook my head. It was so easy to talk to Goku. Always had been. "To be honest, I don't know if I want kids. They're loud and needy and I like being able to do what I want. Your kid is cute and everything but I don't think I'm cut out to be a parent."

"You'll pick it up as you go along. It's really scary holding them at first—Gohan was so little that I worried I'd drop him or break him somehow. But now it's easy. He's really smart, though… smarter than me most times. I just play with him and keep food in his belly mostly. Oh, and we fight aliens together, so that's good uh, bonding time and stuff."

"Son Goku, expert parent," I said, sinking down lower in the couch. "Who would've imagined the weird kid I found in the mountains would end up being such a great guy?"

Usually I could talk to Goku casually and say those kinds of things without worrying about repercussions. Most of it went right over his head, anyway. But as I laughed at the thought of Goku having his own reality TV show where he made his own army of infants I could feel his dark eyes on me. I looked over, covering my mouth to hide my giggles, and they faded away after a few seconds.

The house was getting dark. I had been so absorbed in listening to the crickets outside that I forgot to turn the lights on. Goku turned his chest toward me with an expression of mixed curiosity and desire. I shrank back against the arm of the couch and wished I had kept my mouth shut.

"You don't think I'm a failure?" he asked.

I smiled halfheartedly. "Of course not. No one does. You saved the universe, Goku, and still take time to raise your son properly. Your kind of lifestyle comes with sacrifice."

He puckered his lips. The way his arm was positioned made his muscles bulge more than usual. "Yeah, you're right. I have to do what's right before I can come home and do this kind of stuff, though, and part of that means I have to keep training. That lets me protect the people I care about."

The moment seemed to have passed so I playfully poked him in the chest. "Exactly. I know it stresses Chi-Chi out but she's married to the strongest person in the universe who happens to be a devoted father while the rest of us are stuck with guys like Vegeta. She's lucky to have you, Goku."

Neither of us said anything for a few minutes. My words trickled down like rain water through stones, taking a while to gain their full effect. I sat perfectly still and cursed my big mouth. What the hell was I doing?! Poor Goku had a bad enough day. Now he had to let Chi-Chi know I was sort of putting the moves on him while she was gone. God, I needed to go home and have a drink.

Oh wait. I couldn't have a drink, courtesy of Vegeta's baby.

When I moved to sit up Goku grabbed my wrist and held it fast to his chest. Thunder rumbled outside as he brought my palm up to his cheek and gently nuzzled it, closing his eyes. What the hell was _he_ doing?! Chi-Chi could walk in at any minute and she wouldn't stand by and wave off her husband holding my hand. I tried to pull my wrist free to no avail.

Goku shifted closer. "You smell pretty."

"Oh, it's probably just the leaves or something from the walk up the mountain. I'm getting a little nausea from the baby stuff so I think I'll take a shower and go to sleep."

The hand that wasn't holding mine suddenly moved to press against my abdomen, tender and warm. His fingers pressed into my skin. "Y'know, I haven't seen you much since we grew up. I forgot how much fun we used to have. Back then I couldn't appreciate you. I was kinda short-sighted and I didn't think hard about getting married and having kids. But… the more I think, the worse I feel."

"I should probably go," I said.

"We're pretty happy, I guess. Gohan is great. I just wish I made him with another person." Goku's head tilted and he smiled. "That's kinda what happens. You love your kids but sometimes you think and wonder if you made the wrong choice; if something is right under your nose but you were too busy looking ahead to think about it."

"Thanks a lot for the pointers. I'm just… I'm gonna go home. Do you mind?"

The door suddenly burst open and I shrieked in surprise, quickly yanked against Goku's chest. All of my trepidation disappeared and I clung to him in terror. Was it another bad guy? Jeez, we had just spent so much time destroying Frieza and fixing the Namekian planet! How could someone else—

"_What is this, Bulma?!_"

Goku allowed me to turn enough to see Vegeta standing in the doorway, black hair soaked through from the rain storm outside. He was holding my positive pregnancy test in his hand and looked like he was about to burst a blood vessel from his rage. I angrily struggled in Goku's arms to get out and punch the crap out of my live-in Saiyan but he held me fast without budging.

A growl vibrated in his chest. "Don't scare Bulma like that."

Vegeta swept his hand over a nightstand and a bunch of pottery shattered on the floor, prompting Goku to set me down and rise to the challenge. If they had fur it would've been bristling up to the ceiling. My friend leaned in Vegeta's face, curling his lip in an irritated snarl.

I stood up, tripping over myself a bit, and walked over to get between them. It wasn't easy forcing two Saiyans apart. "Excuse me, you two, but Chi-Chi won't be happy you're ruining the house! Vegeta, you can't burst in here screaming at me like some kind of crazy person. Goku—" I paused, wondering if I should confront what had just happened. It wasn't really worth it. "Okay, well, you have a right to be mad but your wife is gonna be even more upset if she sees this."

"You're pregnant?!" Vegeta hissed. "With _my _offspring? Or perhaps it belongs to Kakarot, considering how comfortable the two of you looked on that filthy couch."

"Don't talk about Bulma like she's bad." Goku took a step forward and I struggled to push him back. "You better be nice to her and her baby or else."

"I couldn't give less of a damn about a half-breed child if I tried! I have no interest in wasting my energy on a useless child." Vegeta pointed at the couch and bared his teeth. "Why don't you two get back to whatever disgusting business you were doing on the couch? I have an important space ship to catch to another planet. You better train hard while I'm gone, Kakarot."

Goku suddenly grabbed Vegeta by the neck and pinned him violently to the wall. "My son is half human and that makes him twice as good as either of us. I wouldn't trade anything in the world for Gohan, and until you understand that, Vegeta, I think you should stay very far away from Bulma."

Vegeta gasped for air, yanking on Goku's fingers. "You fool! I'm going to another damn planet! You're free to make as many vile half-breeds as you wish."

"Take it back!" Goku snarled, slamming Vegeta into the wall so hard that the house shook. "I'm not letting you leave until you apologize to Bulma and Gohan!"

I touched Goku's arm, concerned he would do something he'd regret. "Goku, just let him go. You know how Vegeta is. He'll be miserable until the end, so let him go away and leave all of us alone. We all know how great Gohan is. He's trying to get under your skin."

But there was no reasoning with them. Goku threw Vegeta into the floor and the two Saiyans quickly took the fight outside, vanishing over the horizon in flashes of gold and blue light. I stood in the door frame and held a hand over my stomach. There was never a dull day for any of us.


	4. Dreaming

**A/N:** I'm not entirely sure when Vegeta and Bulma actually do get married... most evidence points to sometime during the Android saga so I'll go by that. The two years or whatever without Goku, when he was on Yardrat, are obviously skipped over in this so the Android saga might happen sooner. Not sure... bleh, I hate trying to keep things sort of canon.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

4) _Dreaming_

The last thing I wanted to do was talk to Goku so I stowed away in the basement to sleep on the couch. Of course it was even cleaner down there than it was upstairs—Chi-Chi would die before a guest found a speck of dirt in her house. I quietly shut the door and considered locking it but decided that would be overkill and just make him worry more. He was in a bad mood from being screamed at and nothing more. He'd apologize to me in the morning or act like it never happened.

My expression soured as I sat down on the couch and yanked the cover off the back. Vegeta was such a jerk. I'd promised myself a long time ago, when I was still a teenager, that I wouldn't go googly over a guy like I had during the search for the Dragon Balls. I wanted to be independent. So what if he wanted nothing to do with our son? I could raise him just fine myself while he punched shit in space.

Still, I couldn't be angry with him. It wasn't in Vegeta's nature to stick around and be a dad. I'd seen enough of the Saiyan men to realize that none of them were homebodies. Even Goku showed moments of weakness where he yearned to leave the house and never return. Gohan kept him firm on his feet, though. The two of them had a deep bond that no amount of alien heritage could ever break.

It might take months or even years for Vegeta to feel that kind of connection with our child and that didn't bother me very much. Until then, I had a lot of people around me who would support my decision no matter what. In fact, I could just imagine their faces when I told them that… that I…

Oh hell, no one would be happy for me. Vegeta had slaughtered half the Namekians and stood by grinning while Nappa killed Yamcha and Piccolo. They had been able to come back to life only after we toiled on a foreign planet that was ruled by a psychotic intergalactic pirate. They'd probably hold me down and shove poison down my throat to keep anything spawned by him from coming into the world.

It wasn't a good position to be in but I knew I had to be strong. Only Goku and Vegeta knew and neither of them had any reason to tell other people. Maybe I could hide my growing belly and become a recluse until the baby was born. I could deliver by myself: I'd read about it online a few times. How hard could it be to push a baby out of your body? Women had been doing it for thousands and thousands of years without needing an epidural or doctors.

Hiding a half-Saiyan child would prove to be difficult, though, and it would be glaringly obvious if he was born with a tail like Gohan. I obviously hadn't slept with Goku so everyone would put the pieces of the puzzle together and we'd be ostracized. But I could wait until after the birth to reveal the baby and hope everyone put their judgments aside to welcome us.

"Bulma? Are you down here?"

I sat up quickly to see Goku peering curiously down the stairs, clothes ripped in a hundred different places. He had some cuts and bruises but they would heal quickly thanks to his Saiyan blood. He smiled when he noticed me and walked down the stairs to lean on the wall, sighing loudly.

"Did he leave?" I asked.

"Yeah, but I don't think he went into space." Goku squinted up at the ceiling like he could visualize Vegeta ejecting into the stairs. He cracked his neck. "Even after everything that's happened he's still being a jerk. Oh well, guess it takes a while for the Saiyan in some of us to go away."

"Guess so. I'm gonna go to sleep and head out early in the morning back to Capsule Corp. I should probably try to explain some things to him."

Goku shrugged off the wall and sauntered over to sit beside me on the couch, propping my feet up on his lap. He turned on the small TV and sank down in the pillows to lazily watch through half-open eyes as images flickered across the screen. I awkwardly pulled the blanket closer to my chin to hide my face. Okay, it wasn't _that _weird. I'd known him for more than a decade. He was just tired.

Besides, Goku was used to sleeping with Chi-Chi at night. All he wanted was some company until he could doze off by himself upstairs. I yawned and closed my eyes while laughter from the sitcom echoed through the quiet basement. Being pregnant was really messing with my head—making me imagine things that weren't there and think crazy.

"Bulma?"

"Hm." I was drifting off, nearly asleep.

"Um… if you need anything… well, just let me know."

"…Thanks, Goku."

Curiosity got the better of me and I opened my eyes to see him smiling to himself, rubbing his nose like he always did when he was feeling cheeky. There was a faint blush across his face.

In some ways, Goku was as much of an enigma to me as Vegeta. He seemed much simpler and always had a big grin on his face that made him way more approachable but I'd always had a feeling there was something more to him. Of course, we all figured out he turned into a giant ape when the moon came out but that part of him had been lost when his tail was pulled off. There was something more; something that kept me constantly on my toes when he was around.

My eyes closed again. Maybe it was better that I didn't think of it anymore. I had a tendency to chew things over until they tasted bad so I was just going to spit it out and act like it never happened. We'd be friends forever and Vegeta would come around eventually to care about his kid.

But the creeping fear of being rejected by my family came back with a vengeance and I couldn't fall asleep. It was terrifying to think of everyone's disgusted faces when I revealed who the baby's father was. I started gnawing on my nails again and felt Goku's legs shift as he turned to look at me, head cocked curiously. The words slipped out of my mouth before I could stop them.

I sat up quickly, rubbing my face. "What if everyone's mad at me? I mean, I don't care what people think most times but… I don't want to be thrown out or something."

"C'mon, Bulma, no one's gonna be mad." Goku tangled his fingers in his hair and grinned. He kept finding himself hilarious. "They'll be surprised but definitely not mad. We all care about you. Everyone Vegeta killed was brought back to life so no harm, no foul."

"That doesn't change the fact that he murdered a ton of people. What if our kid is evil like that? I don't know what I'll do."

Goku's eyes roamed back to the TV. "It's gonna be fine. I'll make sure of it."

Neither of us spoke anymore. I was oddly calmed by Goku's insistence that I was overreacting and managed to fall asleep a few minutes later to the voices on the television. Yeah, everything would be fine. Even if it wasn't I was used to taking care of myself and Goku said he would help me. Comforted, I began to slip into a deep dream…

_Tiny hands grasped mine tightly as I helped a boy with purple hair walk across the carpet in an unfamiliar living room. He babbled and smiled excitedly while I encouraged him, sliding backwards to keep him moving forward. His chunky legs wobbled a few times but he pressed forward anyhow with me repeatedly praising every small step he took. I was elated. At some point I mentioned a name but it was lost to me. _

_The boy finally collapsed but didn't cry—he straightened his face and got right back up again. I laughed and scooped him into my arms for a hug that he wasn't really interested in. He squirmed a bit before settling down and whimpered for food. How old was he? What did I feed him?_

Consciousness filtered back to me. I became aware of someone hoisting me up off the couch but thought nothing of it. My mind was occupied with more important things. I was having a dream about the baby growing inside me and I didn't want to leave it. I leaned lazily against the chest of the stranger and inhaled a familiar scent of pine needles and smoke. Big hands held me close…

_Someone grasped my shoulders from behind while I hastily pulled my shirt aside to feed my son, hoping it was what he wanted. He latched on and I sighed, holding him gently in my arms. It was peaceful. The room we were in was small and only heated by a fire roaring in the background. I craned my neck to kiss my son's forehead and the hands on my shoulders squeezed slightly._

"_Vegeta, do you mind?" I asked, irately shaking free of his grasp. "I'm trying to feed our son."_

We walked up a two sets of stairs. The person set me on a comfortable bed and I yawned in my sleep, still clinging to the pleasant dream. Vegeta had to interfere as always. Sheets were pulled up to my neck and I felt another body lie beside mine, warm but surprisingly hard. A thick arm wrapped around my waist and held me tightly to the stranger. I sighed and nestled into the soft pillows to continue dreaming…

_The person's hands slid off me and they sat beside me to touch the baby's thick hair. I stroked his cheek softly with the tip of my index finger and his little blue eyes began to close. Vegeta wrapped an arm around my waist and I was finally torn from staring at our son._

_My heart skipped a beat when I saw Goku slip his finger under one of the baby's small hands. He smiled at me. "Don't worry, Bulma. No one has to know the truth."_

The shock was enough to force me awake.

I immediately flew up in bed, groaning when I became lightheaded, and clutched my forehead for a few moments while my body caught up with me. It wasn't a scary dream but it was definitely embarrassing. What was I doing imagining having a son with Goku?! He'd probably laugh at me if he knew. Chi-Chi would be furious and worry about leaving me alone with her husband.

That was when I realized that I was indeed sleeping in a bed and it didn't belong to me. I turned to see Goku lying beside me, black hair splayed across his pillow with a peaceful look that only sleep could bring. I was sure I'd fallen asleep in the basement… had he really carried me upstairs to sleep with him? I could've gone in Gohan's room or even stayed in the basement alone. I didn't care.

The Saiyan suddenly turned on his back and the sheets slipped down, showing his rippling muscles that definitely hadn't been around when we were kids. I'd seen him with torn shirts and even without a shirt on during the many fights he'd been in but this was somehow different.

A blush crept into my cheeks. My back was feeling better so it would be a good idea to leave. Knowing Chi-Chi she probably smelled the sheets every day to make sure Goku wasn't cheating on her. I carefully moved back to the covers to get up when I heard Goku yawn and stretch, causing his joints to pop. Terrified, I remained perfectly still for a while longer until he dropped off to sleep again.

There was always a smile on Goku's face. I hovered near the entrance to the bedroom, watching him sleep for a few moments. His hands reached out blindly for something to hold and he settled for a pillow that his body eclipsed when he curled around it. I could hear my heart beating in my ears.

"Mmm, Bulma," he murmured.

I hurried out of the house to my car, shaking my head wildly. "No, Bulma, you are not in the least bit attracted to Goku. Get those stupid thoughts out of your head _right now_." I yanked open the door and rubbed my eyes, hoping it would instill some sanity. "You're going to be a mother. Chi-Chi is a good friend of yours and you don't want her to hate you. Stop thinking about it."

No, I was not attracted to Goku. I couldn't be. He was younger than me, married, and had a kid; I'd watched him grow from a little boy into a brave man. When I imagined strength, the first thing that came to my mind was Goku. I didn't fantasize about him and I certainly wouldn't sacrifice our friendship for some stupid crush my head had decided it wanted to curse me with.

The craziness in my mind died down when I arrived back home. I threw my keys in the basket near the door and trumped upstairs to go back to bed. The baby was driving me nuts. All I needed was a long rest and some food in my stomach. I hadn't been able to eat much of Chi-Chi's delicious cooking.

I turned the corner into my bedroom and tiredly turned on the light.

A familiar Saiyan with pointy black hair was sitting on my bed. He scowled while I stared at him in surprise. Vegeta? He never came in my room without my permission. Come to think of it, he was invading my space! What a jerk! I was so sick of him—

"I've been thinking," he said, coarse and rude as always, "and…" His scowl deepened and he looked at the floor. "We should get married."


	5. Weeping

**A/N:** Remember that time this wasn't going to be a darkfic? Well I lied. ;D Sorry this took such a ridiculous amount of time. As usual, you guys are far better reviewers than the people reading my original fics so back to DBZ for me! And I don't know if it was someone here who demanded I write more lemons but that seriously pissed me off for a solid week. I'm not a porn author. Seriously, I love you guys dearly, but I like to make a story, not pure, unadulterated sex. It's cool if other people do! I love a good lemon! I just am not that kind of author. That said, there will be lemons in this, but they won't be intensely detailed. I don't want my stuff ripped down off .

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

5) _Weeping_

Fifteen minutes later, I was rolling on the bed laughing.

Vegeta irately watched me pounding my mattress in tears, clutching my stomach with my free hand, worried I was going to shatter a rib. After all the time I had known Goku and watched his crazy antics with Krillin and the others I never imagined giggling until I couldn't breathe. It was impossible to stop the picture of Vegeta stonily offering to marry me like he was obligated to do so from popping up in my mind's eye. I worried it would filter into my dreams and kill me from laughing in my sleep.

The Saiyan drew up with regal disdain, not happy with being rejected. "Yes, yes, it's _hilarious_," he sneered, "that a prince of my standards would lower himself to a mere human. Fool! I have made you the greatest offer that will ever pass through your insignificant life and—"

"I think we should get married," I managed in a sarcastic, gruff voice before bursting out into tearful laughter again. I rolled around on my bed, struggling to catch my breath. Dear god, I would never laugh again so hard in my life. Vegeta was the last person I expected to get such a kick out of but he surprised me yet again, just like he had when we slept together.

All my worries about Goku were gone like a wisp of smoke and I was free to torment Vegeta's ridiculous proposal for as long as I wanted. I cackled at him, pointing at his humiliated scowl and wondered briefly if I would wake my parents. It didn't matter. I'd tell them what happened and they'd get a kick out of it, too. Vegeta, marrying a human! Especially one that he absolutely despised.

"I'll give you time to reconsider," he said. "I'm sure it won't take long for you to understand that this is an offer you can't refuse. I will not leave any woman of mine wandering around with my offspring."

"Excuse me?" I snapped, laughter immediately stopping. I got up out of bed and poked my index finger into Vegeta's chest. "You don't talk to me that way. I don't belong to you. If I don't want to marry you, that's my choice, and I'll raise my kid however I want. You can keep being a brute in the meantime."

"I'm doing what's best for my heir, not you." Vegeta swatted my hand away and folded his arms. He was so damn stubborn. "I'm going to train. When I return, I hope you'll think about your careless rebuttal of my proposal. I don't think many of your friends would be willing to help you."

My mouth immediately shut and I ground my teeth together angrily. The Saiyan smirked, knowing his words hit home, and left my room without another word. I slammed the door after him and flopped down on my bed with a furious look still etched on my face. He was unbearable. He would say or do whatever he needed to win an argument or a fight. I hated that about Vegeta.

Thankfully I was too exhausted to stay awake for much longer and ruminate over the spiteful garbage that spewed from my alien baby daddy's crooked mouth. I fell asleep lying awkwardly half-off the bed and was blissfully unaware of my dreams, no longer imagining having a baby with Goku. I'd successfully rejected Vegeta's awkward, ridiculous proposal and sent him packing yet again after another fight.

Things felt normal for a while after that. A week passed with no word from Goku or Chi-Chi and I thanked whatever deity might have been floating in the sky that nothing had come of that night. I frequently woke up in the mornings to puke up whatever weird combination of food I had eaten the night before. Mom and dad didn't mention anything to me, probably assuming I was sick with the stomach bug or something. I was grateful that they didn't pay attention.

Vegeta lurked around the fringes, watching me for weakness and waiting for my reply to his proposal to change. I utterly ignored him, shoving him out of the way in the kitchen when I woke up at three in the morning for pickles and ice cream. He kept his damned arms folded and glowered at me through the darkness but made no move to speak to me or change my mind. He knew better than to cross me.

One night I was lounging in bed with my favorite pair of pajamas on tinkering with a new Dragon Radar I made for Gohan. He took after his father in every way and I had a feeling he'd wind up circling the globe in search of the Dragon Balls soon enough. I held a pin between my lips, TV flickering in the background with some ridiculous soap opera playing out across the screen. There was a knock on my door.

"Come in," I said, focusing intently on the radar.

To my dismay, Vegeta peered inside. He cleared his throat. "Have you spoken to Kakarot recently? I've been looking to spar with him but no one answers when I go to their despicable little shack."

I shrugged. It wasn't unusual for Goku to disappear for long spans of time, and Chi-Chi had brought Gohan up to her father's. They probably decided to take a vacation together. "He does whatever he wants. He probably had stuff to do with Chi-Chi or something. Dad made you a gravity chamber so you could practice alone. Why don't you use it instead of complaining to me?"

"Perhaps you should move your vile, puffy feet from the bed and make sure my sparring partner is alive," Vegeta snapped. "All that sitting around will make our child weak. Saiyan women were not afraid to enter combat when carrying offspring—"

"I'm a human woman so don't tell me about your brutish race." I flung down the radar and swung my legs over the bed, swaying slightly from wooziness. Jeez, maybe I did need to move around more. "Just stay here. I don't want you screaming at him or punching each other. Honestly, the two of you should quit the theatrics and get married. Every goddamn day you ask me how he's doing."

"You're lucky you're pregnant," Vegeta said.

I pulled my hair into a ponytail and sneered at him. "So are you."

The Saiyan followed me down the stairs and threw my car keys at me while I rummaged for them in the basket. I clenched my hand into a fist to resist punching him in his rock-solid jaw then flung open the front door and headed out into the cool night. He was such a nuisance. A goddamn child.

It was a quick and quiet drive up to Mt. Paozu. The baby didn't agree entirely with my body so I had to keep the window open to ignore the random pains in my lower abdomen. I figured it was normal. Saiyans were powerful so mixing one with a human and stuffing it in a human woman probably hurt quite a bit. I wished I could ask Chi-Chi what having Gohan was like.

Unfortunately, I still wasn't ready to reveal my pregnancy. It was easier to hide than I imagined but I knew push would come to shove eventually. I had a few months before my belly would truly begin to show. Chi-Chi and Goku had sort of vanished when they got married so none of us knew what it was like when she was pregnant, but I figured it was pretty gruesome.

All the lights were off at the Son residence. I got out of the car and promptly threw up a few feet away, swearing under my breath as I wiped vomit from my mouth. My ears were ringing terribly, blocking out the soft sound of the wind in the trees. After popping a piece of gum in my mouth I slowly made my way to the front door and knocked twice, expecting Goku to fling the door open and hoist me off the ground.

I leaned up on my tiptoes, feeling oddly cold. "Goku? Chi-Chi? Gohan? Are you guys home? It's Bulma. Vegeta wanted me to come over and make sure everything's ok. He's been dying to punch his boyfriend for a week or so now and couldn't find him."

A few more minutes passed before I grew nervous and tried the door handle. It opened easily and I stepped inside the quiet home, glancing about for any signs of my friends. Chi-Chi made them all turn in fairly early but it wasn't even seven o' clock yet. She'd stay up and knit for another hour while Goku gave Gohan a bath or watched TV in the basement. I found it hard to believe they were all snoozing.

"Anyone home?" I called, turning about as I walked through the house. "Goku? Chi-Chi? Gohan?"

No response.

I pulled open the basement door and peered down to see if anyone was sleeping on the couch but it was empty. Worried, I shut the door and turned to head up the stairs to check their bedrooms. Weird. We'd all become a lot closer in recent weeks so I didn't think they'd leave without saying something.

The hallway was quiet, only broken by the sounds of my steps over creaky floorboards. I rubbed my stomach as I headed toward Goku and Chi-Chi's bedroom, half-expecting to find them sleeping inside. When I knocked carefully and said, "Goku?" in a low voice, I heard the bed groan from within. Heavy feet seemed to drag across the floor and the door opened.

The worst memory hidden in the back of my mind had been the day Yamcha died. I was crushed even though I knew he could be brought back to life. There was no time for us to feel bad for ourselves so I had to move on quickly and put on a brave face but I had been so deeply in love that I found it hard to keep my upper lip straight. I didn't think anything else could top that soul-searing agony.

The happy, bright face I remembered the first day I met Goku was wiped away. I crumbled under his somber black eyes that couldn't quite focus on me and he sagged against the doorframe, crushed under the weight of an unrevealed inner pain. Goku didn't cry but I could clearly see his eyes were puffy and red from apparently long sobbing sessions; even his hair seemed to droop.

It immediately became my worst memory, burned to the forefront of my brain. My heart felt like it was being twisted in two at the sight of the jovial Saiyan's unyielding sadness. I could've cried.

"G-Goku?" I whispered. "What's wrong? Is everything alright?"

He was wearing the white wife-beater Chi-Chi hated. The sash around his hips hardly held his orange pants up. Goku's listless black eyes shifted to me briefly but they didn't shine with any signs of life. For all I knew, I could've been talking to a corpse.

I took his face between my hands and he immediately shattered. Tears rolled down his cheeks over my fingers and he tried to recoil to hide his shameful weeping but I held him firm. Something was seriously wrong. Goku always had his emotions under wraps like Vegeta, albeit in a different manner. Vegeta felt like a ticking time bomb but I always felt like Goku was totally in control of himself.

We sat on the bed. Goku could hardly walk and sat on the edge of the mattress with his face in his hands, sobbing to himself so profusely that I couldn't make out a word of what he was saying. I hesitantly rubbed his back and waited for the reason to come. My very foundation was crumbling.

The Saiyan managed to wipe his eyes and slumped over toward me, leaning his weight on my shoulder before I shifted back to let him rest his head in my lap. Stunned beyond speech, I gently touched his hair to offer some consolation and prayed he hadn't done something insane like kill Chi-Chi. Vegeta and I joked about it sometimes because she could be such a nag but…

Goku swallowed hard, tightening his grip on my knee. "G-Gohan was s-s-icker than Chi said. They think… they t-think he's… he's…" He lost it again but only broke down for a few moments. "My s-son is dying and Ch… Chi-Chi won't b-bring him h-h-home."

I stopped.

Coldness crept through my veins.

Two shimmering black eyes looked up at me helplessly. He was at his weakest point. I had the most powerful man in the universe in his frailest state. "She told me to stay away. I… I don't know when he'll be gone…" He hid his face in my stomach. "Shenron can't help him. I'm… I'm going to lose my son."

Denial set in like a suffocating blanket.


	6. Pleasing

**A/N:** Okay so I was bored tonight even though I have to go to school in three hours. ENJOY.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

6) _Pleasing_

There were no words, only a wrenching pain in my stomach that threatened to tear me apart at the atomic level. My mouth was firmly closed with a sealant of denial to keep me from spouting the words that were desperately begging to be said. How? Why? I had witnessed Gohan tackling an alien warlord's most powerful soldiers without taking too much damage. What on our insignificant little planet could make a half-Saiyan child deathly ill?

The coughing echoed in my head like an ominous clock that struck as my mind connected the puzzle. It tolled and my eyes widened. That was what I had heard. It wasn't a cold or anything minor: it was a serious disease clawing its way through Gohan's body to consume him from the inside out. I had brushed it off the day I had a pleasant dinner with the Son family. I didn't think I needed to mention anything because Chi-Chi was constantly hovering over her son.

Then the enormous grown Saiyan draped across my lap was suddenly on his feet, holding his face in his hands and pacing back and forth. He shifted past my peripheral vision during my unending staring contest with the way that was beginning to dry out my eyes. I wanted to cry. I wanted it to all be some sick joke orchestrated by Vegeta or a minor ailment they had mistaken.

Gohan's bright, beaming grin reflected off the swirling fear in my heart and I sank forward to hold my head, slowly shaking it. No. The kid was stronger than me. He'd saved me multiple times of Namek and we had such a good time on the spaceship and I'd seen him cry with happiness when we received word that his father was alive. He looked perfectly fine.

It wasn't my son so I had no right to feel my muscles atrophying with crushing sadness; I had no right to allow traitorous tears to roll down my cheeks. But Gohan was a piece of my closest friend from childhood. I felt guilty knowing that a major reason I was so stricken was because Goku was—that I sympathized stronger with the one who was going to survive rather than the victim.

My thoughts drifted to the half-Saiyan child developing in my womb. What if… what if something happened to him…

The sound of things being knocked over downstairs yanked me violently from my thoughts and I was on my feet in seconds, tilting slightly from a strange sense of nausea. I hurried blindly out of the room toward the racket without paying much attention to my surroundings and wound up colliding with a few things myself. Nothing existed except the horrific truth in my mind. All of my senses and thoughts tunneled toward realizing I would have to stand by and watch Goku's son being buried.

A loud crack rattled through the house. I skidded into the kitchen to see Goku hovering over the destroyed kitchen table, splinters of wood sticking every which way from his flesh. He was breathing heavily and gritting his teeth but still smashed the table again for good measure and made his way toward the fridge. I darted forward to grasp his arm, trying to keep him from ruining the entire house.

This was not Goku. He didn't lose his cool. This was the creeping, cold hands of death worming into his simple mind, twisting it in ways he couldn't comprehend. Thus, he devolved, resorting to destruction to soothe the sensitive bundle of emotion wound deep within him.

Words still wouldn't leave my mouth. I pulled on Goku's arm, hoping it would communicate what I wanted, and he turned on me in an instant in the blanket of darkness. His big hands weighed my shoulders down for a few brief seconds as he shoved me into the wall. I waited with bated breath until the torrents of tears streamed down his face again and then I was enveloped in his arms, hardly able to breathe under his enormous strength.

It had been a long time since I felt the warmth of a Saiyan. Vegeta told me it was because their bodies were constantly burning through energy, digesting at breakneck speed to make sure they were always ready for battle. It gave them an abnormal temperature that was heightened during stressful times.

But the weight was shoving down hard on Goku's shoulders and he crumpled before I could be crushed or burned to death. He sank into me and buried his face in my neck to hide his tears further while I tried to get a logical grasp on the situation. We weren't children anymore. Sometimes I forgot that because I still lived at home with my parents and didn't have any real responsibilities.

The world was an evil, cold place. It had a habit of choking the life from the happiest of people.

I couldn't support the weight of a grown Saiyan man but I couldn't move him anywhere, either. We both collapsed on the floor, though Goku was a bit more graceful than me, and he scrambled to pull me between his legs. I protested as a brush crept across my cheeks but his appendages locked around me and I was helpless, stuck in an awkward position with a very unstable alien.

Then I felt one of Goku's big hands on the back of my head, pressing me closer to his shoulder while his other hand held me firmly around the waist. I braced my hands on his sides to try pushing myself free of his grasp but my resolve was painfully weak and I buckled without a single word. I told myself I was only staying because he needed someone to comfort him. The nagging truth in my head struggled to break free and I held it firmly back, unable to come to terms with my feelings.

He licked his lips. A shiver ran down my spine. "Chi-Chi is with him at her father's house. He… He doesn't have much time left. I don't know if she'll let anyone see him. He looks so tiny and pale and… I…" Goku stopped and gritted his teeth, then tilted his lips closer to my ear. I could feel his warm breath. "I can't do anything but wait. It's making me crazy. I don't know if she's coming back or when he's going to…"

My heart was pounding hard but I could feel Goku's thundering ten times faster. It reverberated through me like an echoing drum, sending unwelcome trembles through my body. I swallowed. It had to be the hormones from being pregnant that were making me think crazy things. If I got some fresh air everything would be okay and I could help Goku figure out what to do next.

Gohan couldn't be _dying_. There was no way. There had been a mistake.

God, his father smelled like actual sunshine. I found myself burying my face closer to Goku's neck and I realized his skin let off comforting warmth that was sweet like clothes that had been lying outside all day. Tears rolled down my cheeks. A million different feelings raged inside of me.

"Bring him to a different doctor," I managed. My voice was shaking. I was going to burst into tears if I wasn't careful. "Gohan's half-Saiyan. There can't be anything wrong with him. Maybe if we bring him to my lab I can figure something out. Chi-Chi can come back and I'll have this baby and everything will be fine. It can all go back to normal."

For some reason, neither of us had anything more to say. We sat there in silence for a while and the clock ticked away on the wall getting closer and closer to morning. I leaned into Goku's relaxing embrace and became the crier instead, shamelessly pouring tears over his shirt. He touched my hair.

"I don't like being grown up," he said miserably.

"No one is supposed to die. Shenron can fix anything."

Quiet settled on us. Then, "…Do you want to go to bed, Bulma?"

At that moment, it felt like everything was falling apart before my eyes. My grief blinded me. If it had been any other day I would've hidden my blush and refused. Instead, I hesitated for a brief second before nodding slowly, clinging to Goku desperately. If he released me I worried I would shatter.

His Adam's apple bobbed close to the side of my head. He tightened his grip as he got to his feet, holding me like a precious china doll close to his broad chest. My mind spun out of control with fear, despair and blatant excitement for what I assumed was coming now. I was inebriated from the crying. I was still stunned at the sight of Goku's blotchy, puffed eyes.

Soon I was placed carefully on the bed and quickly curled into a ball to hide my face. Goku closed the door and I could hear clothes dropping to the floor, inclining me to wonder if I should do the same. Was he still married? Would he stay with Chi-Chi? Was I technically going to be the other woman? I'd known him for much longer and we connected pretty well when we were older. I'd missed my chance.

A warm body settled in beside me, promptly followed by a thick arm pulling me across the bed to rest firmly against Goku's bare chest. It wasn't a place I was used to being and I immediately balked but he gently kept me in place, craning his neck to bury his face in my hair. It was hard to see through the unending tears that brimmed in my eyelids. I placed my hand to his chest.

"Tell me it's going to get better," I whispered. "You can fix anything."

A clumsy kiss touched my temple. He was afraid. "I'll fix you, Bulma. I'll make you happy. You make me really happy like no one else." He paused and smiled down at me sadly, sniffling. "Chi-Chi is gonna yell."

"It's our secret. I need you."

"I'm gonna punch Vegeta tomorrow. Promise."

I knew it would have to be me who would take the first hit; the one with all the blame resting squarely on their shoulders. Goku had things to lose, like a wife and a home, while I didn't. But we needed it.

It wasn't easy moving my head up to look into his black eyes that were hazed with grief and lust, an unlikely combination in the face of recent events.

The crickets were singing to one another outside as I slowly closed the space between us and pressed my lips to Goku's. I wouldn't forget it for the rest of my life. It would stay with me as my most treasured memory, besides the day my son was finally born. Life was injected into me when his soft, unsure mouth touched mine curiously. He'd only ever kissed Chi-Chi.

"I'm sorry," I said, still close enough that our lips brushed.

But my trepidation didn't faze Goku. He swallowed again and suddenly grabbed my face to drag me into a deeper kiss that set my nerves on fire, blazing all the way down to my toes. I tangled my fingers in his hair like I had been waiting for so long to do and eagerly rolled on my back to let him on top of me. He wasn't nearly as aggressive as Vegeta. It was a different kind of fireworks with Goku.

My clothes were torn away in typical Saiyan lovemaking fashion and I was bare beneath him, legs curled around his waist eagerly. His eyes were wide with excitement instead of half-lidded with defeat. His mouth hung slightly open as he ran his fingers along my body, mystified by what he was seeing. I had never been more allured to someone in my life. My physique intrigued him enough that he paused to admire me. It was entirely different from what I was used to.

I was instantly addicted to him.

Black eyes roamed down my body to the slightly protrusion between my hips where the baby was growing within me. Goku furrowed his brow, holding my hips in his hands now, and looked up at me worriedly. Fear jolted through me—was he afraid now because Vegeta impregnated me?

"Um…" he said, rubbing the back of his head briefly, "I can't hurt him, right?"

The addiction worsened. It wasn't a battle of the wits with Goku like it was with Vegeta.

Still, I giggled. "No, don't worry about it."

Words failed beyond that point. Goku was far from eloquent or romantic and soon after that he was gently pushing inside me, eyes rolling but trying to focus on my shifting expressions. It hurt slightly. I could disguise it well enough thanks to the sheer pleasure. He growled a bit in response to my mewls of excitement and I writhed beneath him in ecstasy as the slow thrusts began.

All of my fears evaporated into thin air. I was limp, pushed back when Goku began to move more quickly. The bed scraped across the floor and I heard his teeth gnash together. I couldn't contain the sounds coming from between my lips that were apparently driving him up the wall.

It wasn't only about comfort. We made love for some time in different ways, taking our time instead of trying to force the sadness from our hearts. The birds were beginning to chirp when Goku finally pulled my tightly against his solid body, swelling within me. I didn't think I'd ever be as happy again.

My name was uttered like a throaty prayer and he ground deep into me, groaning with each throb that spilled his essence. It was more than enough to bring me to my own elation and I scratched my nails down his back while waves of pleasure brought me to finish several seconds after him. My ears were ringing. I felt dizzy; disoriented and confused. I panted heavily and flopped on the bed.

Goku hovered over me, trembling. His eyes were glowing and he could hardly breathe. "D'you know what I imagine sometimes, Bulma?"

I was half-asleep. "Hmm?"

He slowly pulled out of me and I gasped a bit. "Well ever since you told me you were pregnant I'd imagine I put the baby in you instead." He smiled sheepishly, touching the back of his head. "I mean, I'd think of you in other ways when I was doing _that _but I don't like to think of Vegeta touching you. And now I can really remember it because it really happened. Gosh, I can't believe…"

Sleep claimed me before I could finish processing Goku's words. I was dense from the pleasure and the guilt was waiting to claw forward into my heart.


	7. Awakening

**A/N:** Surprisingly quick update! I'm officially moving into my dorm tomorrow so I'm not sure when the next update will be. :(

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

7: _Awakening_

The ignition of lust erupted into a rapid chain reaction that Goku and I were helpless to escape. We had committed the taboo believing it would comfort both of us somehow in our darkest places, pulling us back toward the light instead of shoving us away from the ones we loved. It felt like it would happen one time—just _something _to make it feel like everything wasn't slipping through our fingers. I needed him. I needed to connect to someone who wouldn't scowl and fold his arms.

But the rising sun illuminated our tangled, rumpled guilt; the knotted bedsheets on the floor, Goku's bare arm slung across my ribcage while we both slept. I blearily opened my eyes and shrank back from the light toward his warmth without thinking much of it. I'd become accustomed to one-night stands over the years with men I didn't know particularly well and the overwhelming emptiness that accompanied awakening usually didn't strike me anymore. I was comfortably numb.

The fuse was set. My tryst with Goku provided the flame and it was slowly eating its way toward the bombshell at the end of the line, where Chi-Chi would discover our affair and all of the people we cared about we be carelessly thrown into the line of fire. I stretched my arms before me and smacked my lips, still bathing in the golden afterglow from the night before. I felt like a new woman, completely free—

"You move a lot when you sleep," chirped my lover resting behind me.

The pleasant heat became a paradoxical burning type of freeze, like frostbite that throbbed horribly when you were finally near a fire to heal it. Realization tingled through my body and I quickly realized I was lying beside my best friend, a conjoined pile of limbs with his sweat still sliding down my skin. The daydream shattered. My soul was torn from my body and the familiar emptiness was left behind.

Horrified, I rolled away from Goku's embrace and leapt to my feet with the comforter wrapped tightly around my body to hide the parts of me I thought I never wanted him to see. Blood pulsed through my ears as my best friend scratched his black mass of hair and propped himself up on a palm to crack his neck. The thin sheet fell away from him and hardly disguised what was below the last rung of his sculpted abdomen, which was somehow much more sexual now.

I'd seen Goku without his shirt plenty of times. He usually lost it in fights and I told myself repeatedly that it was wrong to admire him when he was technically doing his job. I clenched the comforter tighter in terror as he casually continued stretching and yawned. Oh no. I'd let my lust get the best of me. I'd taken advantage of my grief-stricken friend like some kind of predator.

Hadn't I been the one who sat and smiled while he awkwardly married Chi-Chi? I hadn't felt jealous about their union back then. My attraction to Goku was a creeping illness that was spreading rapidly through my entire being, bringing me to do stupid things like _sleeping with him_. My crush had been frail for such a long time that I was certain it had died away to leave me in peace.

The Saiyan cocked his head at me. "What're you doin' over there? I'm still sleepy." He patted the rumpled sheets beside him and beamed at me. It was blinding enough to burn.

I took another wavering step back and stared at him, shocked by his indifference. I'd met Goku before anyone else and was the first to experience his endearing innocence but I couldn't imagine that he saw nothing wrong with what we had done. He either thought he was dreaming or it the sleepiness hadn't worn off. He was always so devoted to Chi-Chi and Gohan, even when it meant he had to make a tough decision. He wanted both of them to be happy no matter the cost.

"I should go," I said.

My silence was broken. There was no going back.

A frown turned Goku's radiant smile into a sweet stormhead; the drizzle of rain after a suffocating drought. "Already? Oh…" He looked around with a squint, causing the bed to creak in protest. "Is Vegeta hanging around here or something? I can make him go away so you can stay. We can lie in bed and I'll make us food in a little while, unless it'll make your stomach go bad."

"It has nothing to do with Vegeta. I can't stay here."

_I'd seen something different in Goku and it frightened me a bit. He was always so gentle that I could hardly predict the bottomless well of lust carefully disguised under his cheery disposition. It was the Saiyan in him. He didn't like it much and worked very hard to hide it, maybe even to his wife. It was surreal seeing his black eyes hazy with desire rather than clear with the drive to protect._

"Well I figured we could uh…" Goku rubbed the back of his head again, flaring red. "Y'know, talk about what we did last night. I mean, I'm not upset or anything like that. No, definitely not upset."

_Admittedly, it was the greatest sex I'd ever had. We didn't clash in a hailstorm of fire like I did with Vegeta—Goku was the tide and I was the moon, pushing and pulling him while he dutifully followed his commands. It wasn't a slave-master relationship but one of mutual respect, where each individual filled their role and kept the other in a calculated pattern._

I inched toward my torn clothes. Shit. "I don't think we need to talk about it. Pretend it never happened. I'd prefer not to have my throat torn out by your wife."

_There was no way I was escaping our encounter in one piece. My heart was be torn apart and hastily glued back together only to be shredded again. That was the nature of being a mistress. The man I deeply wanted was already committed to another who had no intentions of leaving him._

"But she said she isn't coming back," Goku said.

"You're still married. This was wrong." I leaned over to swipe up my shirt.

_We had something. It had been there for a long time, waiting for one of us to make the leap and release it from its prison. Now the damn thing was swirling around both our heads and filling Goku with doubt and confusion and misplaced devotion. He didn't really want me, right? He was sad and lonely. I had selfishly taken advantage of him when he was at his worst._

Looking into Goku's eyes was not an option—I couldn't bear the inevitable betrayed expression that would follow me around. I held my tattered shirt at arm's length and tried to think of a way to get home without being detected by Vegeta, who wouldn't hesitate to tell Chi-Chi what happened. I'd been so wrapped up in my emotions that I didn't think twice about what would happen in the morning. Thankfully I was already pregnant so I knew Goku and I wouldn't have an illegitimate child.

Memories from the previous night trickled back…

_The entire time, I could only think of how badly I needed him. His body looked like it was carved from marble but had all the soft warmth of a normal human man. I pressed close in search of security, close to his neck where the scent of pine and sweat was strongest as he strained closer to me in return. I'd never been in bed with someone for so long—things became too intimate too quickly. It was different with him. I would've been happy feeling him for years to come._

_It was quiet all around when we were both finished and I was rapidly dropping off to sleep. But he stayed within me for a while longer like he was trying to get the most out of the experience. He leaned his forehead on mine and I could feel his irises boring into my eyelids._

"_D'you know what I imagine sometimes, Bulma?"_

"_Hm?"_

"_Well ever since you told me you're pregnant I'd imagine I put the baby in you instead." Goku unwillingly withdrew from me and I moaned. His chest rumbled appreciatively. More words were spoken. They trailed into something about Vegeta. "…Gosh, I can't believe this. This is the best night of my life." He shifted a bit and his body was beside mine, warm and comforting. He happily pulled me against his chest but I heard him sniffle slightly. "The best day was when Gohan was born. I don't care much for anything else besides those two things."_

The floorboards shifted in front of me and I looked up to see Goku standing there, stark naked and holding one of his trademark orange shirts in his hand. I took a step back but he pulled the comforter from my grasp to throw it to the floor and promptly pulled the shirt over my head. It hung low, close to my knees, and I still curved my thighs together nervously. He tilted his head like a puppy seeking a reward while I struggled to avert my eyes from his nudeness.

"Can you put your clothes on?" I asked.

"Huh? No way, I never wear clothes if I don't have to. Besides, you saw me naked last night and didn't complain about it." He folded his arms and leaned down close to my face, grinning. "The kinds of noises you made sounded pretty happy to me."

"I'm not saying I didn't _want _to but now we both need to realize that it was wrong and we need to go back to our normal lives. I'm having a baby, you're going to see your son and fix things with Chi-Chi, and Vegeta is going to mercilessly harass me until I agree to marry him."

"WHAT?! You're gonna marry Vegeta?!"

Without meaning to, I tore open another can of worms. Goku's short attention span would derail him from the original argument: that what we had done was wrong and couldn't happen again.

I crossed my own arms. "No, I'm not going to marry him. He's crazy."

Goku let out a sigh of relief but the irritated look stayed on his face. He moved his gaze beyond me, to the window, and cracked his knuckles loudly. "Hmph, good thing. Want me to go punch him for being rude to you? He isn't gonna tell you what to do if I can help it, that's for sure."

Surprised, I risked peeking out from my hands to fully look at my friend's facial expression. It was determined and he had the same indent between his brows that Vegeta got when he was getting ticked off. I'd only seen Goku make the face twice—when he was fighting Frieza and when Raditz kidnapped Gohan. It was rare to see Goku inspired by much else other than rescuing people.

"You let people pick on Chi-Chi all the time," I said, treading into dangerous territory.

The Saiyan blinked and looked down at me. He was so damn tall. "Uh… well, I guess you're right. She's always so mean that I don't wanna intervene. She'd probably yell or somethin'."

"You need to take care of her now. We can't do this again."

"Yes we can."

"Goku, _please_," I begged.

"I'm not gonna tell anybody. Not yet, at least. I know we have to wait until the right time." He pressed his palm gently below my belly button, smiling. "Don't worry, Bulma. I'll make sure both of you are happy, no matter what."


	8. Reviving

**A/N:** Sort of filler-ish but I figured you guys needed an update. I'm trying to fit this in with school but it's tough with all the studying I have to accomplish. D: Hopefully I can tie these up by the end of the year and start on the next fic. No more of this multiple stories thing; it's exhausting switching between characters so rapidly. I can hardly keep track!

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

8: _Reviving_

We returned to my house a while later after I had agreed to have breakfast with Goku. He didn't want to drive but I reminded him that we couldn't leave my car behind so he chattered away while I drove back to the city. He played with my hair casually and I gripped the steering wheel tightly, still garbed in his training uniform and terrified beyond belief. We looked horribly suspicious. Even my mother would cast a second glance when I walked inside.

I fumbled with my keys at the door and Goku stood behind me, looking around like a guard dog, probably waiting for Vegeta to swoop in. Thankfully my mother was out shopping and seemed to have dragged dad along with her so I had the house entirely to myself. I could take a shower and put on clean clothes before anyone caught wind of what happened. My hands were trembling with fear.

Something else wasn't sitting right with my body.

Once inside, Goku casually plopped on the couch and grinned at me while I shut and locked the door. I told him to stay where he was and hurried upstairs to my bedroom to find a change of clothes before I took my shower. No one would think twice about Goku being at the house with me. It was safest for us to keep a distance from one another, especially with Vegeta lurking around.

While I organized my clothes neatly on the bed I suddenly felt a strong pain in my lower abdomen that made me buckle over. Confused, I lay perfectly still on the bed while the pain spread and intensified for a several minutes before subsiding completely. The nausea came back with a vengeance.

But the feeling passed and I was able to stand again. I rushed down the hallway to the bathroom, hoping a shower would wash away the feeling of guilt, and pushed the strange sensations from my mind. It was probably normal to feel off when you were pregnant with a half-Saiyan. Chi-Chi most likely went through the same things when she was pregnant with Gohan. I wanted to ask her so many questions but I doubted I could look her in the eye again.

As I washed my hair, wondering if Chi-Chi really had left Goku, I heard the bathroom door creak open. Some of the precious heat in the shower was sucked out through the door so I irately peeled the curtain aside slightly to see who had decided to intrude upon my private time.

Vegeta violently shoved me back into the wall and the shower rod was torn from the ceiling to collapse on top of him. He didn't seem to notice and instead grabbed my cheeks to force me to look at him, utterly ignoring the water pouring over both of us. I clenched my teeth together and glared into his black eyes while he tried to pry the truth from mine, scowling like I had never seen before.

"Where were you last night?" he hissed.

"None of your business. Get off me before you regret it."

"Perhaps you stayed at Kakarot's deplorable little shack for the night?" Vegeta tightened his grip and twisted my neck, looking for signs Goku left behind. "You were supposed to come back here and report to me why the fool has been inside his home sniveling for the past week."

The prince was suddenly yanked away from me and thrown on the floor, nearly dragging me along with him. I pressed myself to the wall and held the shower curtain around me as Goku pushed Vegeta with his foot in a threatening manner that was meant to scare him off. Goku never actively jumped into the role of the aggressor—he liked to fight on even terms. But I knew the prince wouldn't have his pride crushed so deftly by someone he found to be blow him.

Then the two men were standing nose-to-nose, teeth bared and Goku's hair was beginning to change color. When my house started vibrating I leapt out of the shower with the curtain and squeezed myself between them, pushing Goku away by the chest. Vegeta angrily grabbed my arm to pull me away and Goku grabbed the other, leaving me helplessly torn between the two.

"What are you doing attacking Bulma like that?" Goku demanded.

Vegeta yanked me closer and Goku mercifully weakened his grip so my arm wouldn't be torn clean off. "I was merely asking _my _woman where she was sleeping last night. I think I have a right to know where the vessel of my heir is making her bed, and I'm beginning to think it was with you, Kakarot."

"So what? Bulma and I used to travel together when we were kids and we slept in the same bed all the time. I don't think it's any different now." Goku folded his arms and leaned back, grinning. "Don't tell me you're jealous, Vegeta."

"I am not jealous of your fraternizing with this filthy human—"

"If you hadn't been frater… frat… Well if you hadn't done things with Bulma then you two wouldn't have made a baby and she wouldn't have to hide it from everyone."

"Bulma," Vegeta snarled, shaking me, "if Kakarot's cock came within six feet of my child, neither of you will live to see the light of another day!"

Furious, I ripped my arm free of his grasp and slapped him hard across the face. "You don't tell me what to do and you don't use that fucking word in a lady's presence. I didn't sleep with Goku so quit being such a raging asshole and get out of here before I make sure _you_ don't see the light of another day." I stomped my foot, turning pink. "Besides, the baby is nowhere near anyone's penis during sex."

A confused look clouded Goku's face and he scratched the side of his head. "Huh? Wow, guess I had no reason to be worried the whole—"

"Goku, please shut up!" I snapped. Then I slapped his arm, causing him to cower back. "Besides, I already answered that question when we were uh… talking last night."

"Oh yeah, you did!" he said brightly. "Gee, if that's your version of talking then I want to—"

The door opened and slammed downstairs, interrupting Goku before I could. Mom's voice carried up the stairs and I hurriedly shoved the two Saiyans out of the bathroom so I could get dressed and try to look presentable before she saw me. After I had thrown on my clothes and was in the process of brushing my hair the bathroom door opened a crack and mom's head peered inside. She waved to me and I awkwardly waved back. Thankfully I didn't inherit her brains.

Mom glanced over her shoulder. "Sweetie, Vegeta and that nice Goku man are arguing downstairs. I thought I'd let you know. Should I make some tea for everyone? Goku likes my cooking!"

"Tea isn't really cooking, mom. I'll be down in a minute. Try to distract them so they don't tear each other apart before I get there." I held a hair pin in my mouth and rolled my eyes. "Then again, that might solve all my problems pretty quickly."

My mother beamed and vanished, excited by the prospect of having guests. I took my time finishing up in the bathroom, letting my mind wander. The look on Vegeta's face had been genuinely jealous. Did he actually like me in that way? I figured when he proposed that he was full of it and just wanted to secure me as a prize but… he'd gotten really flustered by Goku's comments. I couldn't see how a one-night stand could turn into whatever twisted version of affection Vegeta held for me.

Immediately my thoughts turned to Goku and I felt my heart leap with excitement. Okay, so maybe I was beginning to understand how one night could change everything. We'd been best friends since childhood and lost touch a few times but maybe it was always meant to be. If Chi-Chi wanted to be left alone then was it wrong of me to step in? Goku seemed pretty positive that I was what he wanted. Then again, his son was on his death bed so his emotions were all over the place.

Poor Gohan. I had to get out of the house and go to the Ox-King to visit him before he passed. It wouldn't be easy to get there but I had gone through a lot with the kid and I wanted to pay my respects. I couldn't believe a piece of Goku had been so fragile. Gohan had taken so many beatings when he was only a few years old so I never imagined an illness would be the thing to take him from us.

Soon I heard Vegeta starting to shout at Goku so I hurried out of the bathroom and down the stairs. The two were up on their feet in the living room nose-to-nose again while mom stood by and held out a tray of tea. I forced them apart again but this time Goku ensnared me and yanked me away before Vegeta could get his arms around me. Mom put her hand to her mouth in a dainty manner while two enormous alien men bickered over who had the right to touch me.

"Both of you need to stop arguing!" I said, reaching up to put my palm over Goku's whole face. It had a weird calming effect and he rocked back away from Vegeta but didn't release me. I turned toward the prince, exhausted from watching the two of them. "Not that it's any of your business, but nothing happened, and Goku really needs me right now. I'll talk to you when I see fit."

Vegeta gritted his teeth and growled angrily, spinning away on his heel and stomping out of the house without another word. Mom followed to say goodbye to him and I only relaxed when I heard the sound of him flying off into the distance. It was hard being around him most of the time. I was worried he would take our baby and leave because he clearly couldn't bear the thought of Goku being around.

The phone rang across the room and mom abandoned her post by the door to answer it. She set the tea tray aside while I dropped my hand from Goku's face and hung limply over his arms. If Vegeta was really attracted to me that would make everything even more complicated. He'd be waiting to rat Goku and I out to Chi-Chi and… wait, I wasn't going to sleep with Goku again! I'd sworn to myself that it would only happen once. I needed to stop rationalizing and realize that we had to forget about what happened.

My mother came back with the phone in hand. "Uh, Mr. Goku, I think it's for you."

Surprised, I straightened up in Goku's arms and he released me to take the call. He stared at the phone in confusion for a moment, trying to figure out how it worked, then awkwardly said "Hello?" I stood back a bit to be polite while mom returned to the kitchen to make more snacks that no one would end up eating. She was always cooking up something ridiculous.

A few moments into the call Goku turned away from me and I knew I needed to give him more space. I nervously made my way to the kitchen and sat at the counter to wait, hoping it wasn't Chi-Chi saying she returned home and saw the mess we left behind. I'd wanted to clean it up but Goku was more interested in eating and promised he'd do it later. He kept reminding me that she wasn't coming back.

It felt like an eternity before he walked over to me with heavy steps. Goku set the phone on the counter and ran a hand through his black hair. I knew he was getting ready to give me bad news. I looked away from him and examined my nails intently, trying my best to look uninterested in his rejection.

"Gohan is starting to turn around," Goku said slowly. "Chi-Chi called here because she wanted you to come see him. She… she wants to bring him home tonight."

"That's great news," I said.

"…Yeah. D'you want to come with me?"

"Your emotional family reunion might be too much." I smiled up at him tightly, hoping he couldn't see through my expression. "I'll stay here. Let me know when he's back. You should probably go clean up before Chi-Chi gets back and sees the mess. Don't want her asking questions."

Of course I would never come between a father and his son. There was no part of me that wanted to keep Goku from going to see Gohan at that moment. He smiled back at me halfheartedly and leaned over to kiss the top of my head, lingering for a moment to smell my damp hair. I closed my eyes and enjoyed his own scent and the feeling of his warm body near mine.

Then he was gone.

Mom came back from the kitchen with another tray and sighed. "Oh, darn, I guess these cupcakes will have to go in the fridge. Do you want one, Bulma?"

The sting of losing him was almost too much to bear. I would never come between Goku and Gohan, but I didn't know if I could say the same about Chi-Chi.


	9. Surviving

**A/N:** And the darkfic-ishness expands... I can't seem to stay away from them at all.

EDIT: Yeah, the entire point is that they aren't likeable and that it's wrong. That's literally the entire premise of a darkfic. I'm not making people you can relate to or like, I'm making ones that you shake your head at. None of this is justifiable and I never said it was. Jesus Christmas, if you don't like it you can click the back button on your browser and read something else.

**Warnings:** Mild lemon.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

9: _Surviving_

Chi-Chi called a few hours later to invite me over to see Gohan. Her voice was unsteady, like she had recently been crying, but she sounded happy enough. I figured I'd given her enough time alone with Goku and her son so I agreed. After all, I really did want to see the kid. I'd grown attached to him on Namek and it broke my heart to think of him in pain. Seeing his smiling face would make everything better and I'd be able to put my night with Goku behind me.

While I was upstairs getting ready, Vegeta leaned sulkily against my wall and glared at me. I busily pulled my hair into a ponytail and turned a few times to make sure my outfit was appropriate for the get-together. If I looked too good, Chi-Chi would wonder. Right? Or did she have no idea?

Vegeta snorted disdainfully. "Going to see Kakarot and his brood?"

I puckered my lips, still turning in circles. No, Chi-Chi had no idea. It had only been a night ago but Goku probably cleaned up to make sure everything looked normal. Maybe she expected him to do something. She'd left him when she found out how sick Gohan was so were they even back together? Were a few hours enough to repair what Chi-Chi had willingly ended?

"I'm going to see Gohan," I said. "You can come if you want." I swiped my jacket off my bed, casting Vegeta a cold look. "If you say anything insensitive I'll make sure you regret it."

"Don't tell me what to do. I will not stand here and by mocked by a human woman."

"You know, this is making your proposal seem so much more enticing. I'd really like to marry a guy who attacks me in the shower and repeatedly calls me "woman" with his arms crossed. Are you coming or would you rather stay here and mope around like a small child?"

The Saiyan curled his lip. It was similar to the face he made the night we slept together. "_Fine_."

We left after I let my mother know where I was going. Vegeta wanted to fly but I shoved him into my car and we drove up to Mt. Paozu, making my heart beat faster with fear. It had only been a day ago that I went to check on Goku and wound up making a huge mistake. I only hoped we could hide it from everyone, especially Vegeta and Chi-Chi. The thought of facing both of them down was horrifying.

"Have you told your unbearable mother yet?"

I glanced at Vegeta, annoyed. "No. I'm not telling anyone for as long as possible. What's it to you?"

No response. When I looked in his direction again, Vegeta was staring out the window with a foreign expression that wasn't irritated or haughty. I blinked and it was gone. But what had it been? If I thought really hard, I could have sworn he looked sad. No. It had to be a mistake. My head was going crazy.

When we arrived at the small house I could hardly contain my terror and it was starting to show. Vegeta narrowed his eyes at me as I fixed my hair in the rearview mirror and he looked around like he was paranoid about something. I took a deep breath and patted his thigh before getting out of the car to face what I had done. Coming clean was starting to feel more and more appropriate.

Chi-Chi came outside with a wide smile on her face. The first thing I noticed was that her hair was askew, tossed in all different directions instead of being carefully contained under a headband. My smile began to fade as my eyes roamed down her clothes, settling on some moderate blood stains staining her white apron. I stopped and Vegeta even paused beside me, growling under his breath.

The trees above the house were dousing it in shadow instead of allowing the sun rays to bathe the building like they normally did. Chi-Chi walked down the stairs, teetering slightly, and opened her arms while she headed toward Vegeta and I. It was my instinct to take a step back and Vegeta put an arm in front of me protectively, scowling deeply and unwavering from his stance.

Thankfully, there was a ray of light in the darkness.

Goku appeared in the doorway and rushed outside to grab Chi-Chi before she could come any closer. He wasn't frowning or smiling. His face was blank. I had never seen him look quite as bare and borderline fearful as he did while he pulled his wife back into the house. They were gone for several moments and I heard Chi-Chi screaming something before a door shut from deep within, silencing her.

My friend returned a few moments after, running a hand through his thick black hair. He gestured for us to come inside and I had to force Vegeta out of the way to continue. He followed close behind, muttering about Goku and Chi-Chi. I hurried inside to ask Goku what the hell was going on. His wife didn't look good. Why was there blood all over her?

I'd expected to see Gohan in his bedroom but he was downstairs on the couch, covered from head to toe in thick blankets. His black eyes were inflamed and roaming the room tiredly while his mouth hung open limply because he didn't seem to have the strength to close it. I backed into Vegeta when I saw a trickle of blood running down the side of Gohan's mouth onto a paper towel under his chin. If it wasn't for his flickering eyes I would've thought he was dead.

The sound of Chi-Chi shrieking echoed through the house. Goku walked around the back of the couch to brace himself on it, gently brushing Gohan's hair away from his forehead. The half-Saiyan was glistening with sweat. He whimpered pitifully and Goku wiped some of the blood away from his mouth.

"He doesn't look better to me," Vegeta said.

I viciously elbowed him in the ribs.

Goku's facial expression didn't change in the least. He kept staring at Gohan. "He isn't better. Chi-Chi was very upset and brought him here in the middle of the night. The Ox King said he's improving but if he keeps getting moved around he'll get bad again." He sank down to his knees, gazing at his son. "He coughs blood. Chi-Chi got upset again and I had to… move her."

Then Gohan noticed me and I struggled to hold back tears as he raised a trembling, skinny arm from the covers, reaching for me. Vegeta made a disgusted noise but I knelt beside him and took his small hand in mine and offered him an encouraging smile. He looked like a porcelain doll.

"Hey," I said softly. "When you're feeling better, we're going on a trip through space. Just me and you, no parents and no worries."

A smile touched his lips. "Will… will I ever feel better?"

The door opened and slammed shut and I turned quickly to see Vegeta had left. The sound of him flying off came a few moments later and I furiously cursed at him in my head. But I didn't show my frustration to Gohan. I gave him a smile once again and nodded rapidly, trying to keep him positive.

We talked for a little while before I got up to take Goku aside away from his son's curious ears. I led him into the kitchen and crossed my arms, peering around the corner at Gohan when he started coughing miserably. Goku sagged against the counter and riveted his eyes on the floor. I couldn't let their family fall apart. I would never… I couldn't… I didn't want to come between him and Chi-Chi.

_You saw her_, whispered the tempting voice in my head. _She's crazy now. What if she hurts Gohan? What if she hurts Goku? There's no way she can come back now._

"Do you want me to watch him so you can get some air?" I asked. "I don't mind. Maybe you can find Vegeta and spar for a little while before you come back, too. I'll make sure he's comfortable. Do you need me to call a doctor?" I twiddled my thumbs, trying to figure out what I could do to help. I hated feeling useless. "I'll talk to Chi-Chi and try to get her to calm down or call a therapist or… or…"

"She wants me to leave. She said I make him more stressed. But I want to stay with him and make sure he pulls through." Goku looked up at me, still vacant. "I'm sorry, Bulma. You have enough to worry about. How have you been feeling?"

"Seriously, my brat is the least of your concerns right now. Gohan is going to be fine. He's a strong kid and I'm sure with enough relaxation he'll be on his feet in a week. Chi-Chi is just scared and… I guess you should probably try to talk to her again. She could probably use the support."

When Goku looked away from me I worried I had overstepped my boundary. They'd been married for a long time so it wasn't really any of my business. I wrung my hands nervously and took a hesitant step toward him to apologize and a moment later I was pinned between him and the counter. His mouth was on mine before I could protest and we were kissing passionately, flooding me with the emotions I had wrestled the night before.

The sound of Chi-Chi sobbing softly didn't deter Goku. He held my face and deepened the kiss, far more aggressive than he had been the night before. I was far from innocent in our encounter and eagerly knitted my fingers in his hair as he began to slowly grind against me. His lips were hovering above my neck; I could feel his warm breath on my skin and hear his restrained groaning.

I wanted him and Gohan to stay with me at Capsule Corp. I'd make sure the best doctors in the city tended to Gohan and Goku could do whatever he needed to in order to relax. It would be the perfect environment. We'd have nothing to worry about and it would all fall into place.

But I knew what was growing between us was wrong just as well as Goku did. He was married with a presently very ill son and I was pregnant with Vegeta's offspring. There was no way we could make anything work: it would have to operate in the shadows, behind the smiling faces and wedding rings. It was tempting. I desperately wanted him to be a bigger part of my life.

I'd never imagined Goku would be the one to push our destructive relationship. It made sense: at that point he was hurting far worse than I ever had. It was obvious he had harbored feelings for me for a long time like I had for him but I never could have predicted their depth and intensity.

"I wish it was you."

His words were so quiet I wondered if I had even heard them. My eyes rolled back when his lips moved to my neck and I managed a "hmm?" expecting him to correct what I thought I heard.

Lips touched my ear, sending a shiver down my spine. He was slowly rolling his hips into mine, holding me firmly against him. "I wish… I wish I made him with you instead."

"Goku, please don't—"

"I need you." Goku rested his forehead against mine, eyes hazy but penetrating. "Now."

_I need you, too._

The lines were blurred. It was the most morally reprehensible thing I had done.

My jeans shimmied off and of course Goku was wearing his training pants. It wasn't what I had planned but the mutual desire was too strong to ignore. In his arms I was light as a feather and he held me close, burying his face in my chest when he slowly slid inside of me. It stung a bit and I writhed, biting my lip hard to keep quiet, but he shushed me with a deep rumble and sat down so I was straddling his lap.

We were both agonizing careful, measuring each movement to keep the noises from leaving the kitchen. I kissed the graceful line of his jaw and felt his powerful chest under my fingers that rose and fell with every thrust. Our arms were wrapped around one another, trying to keep us as close as possible.

But it was too risky to last long. We quietly reached our peak together and as I watched Goku with hungry eyes he bit his lip hard enough to make it bleed. His big hands stayed on my hips while he pulsed within me and still kept shifting and gripping afterwards like he was absorbing every moment. I closed my eyes and panted into his neck, my only solace during our restrained lovemaking.

Goku grabbed the back of my head and pushed forward to give me a bruising kiss. I held him in return and pretended for a moment that everything was perfectly fine. A small cough from the living room reminded me that it wasn't.

I quickly rose and pulled my jeans back on and Goku retied his ash before casually swinging into the living room, calling Gohan's name softly. It didn't upset me in the least. I peered around the corner to watch Goku sit beside Gohan and brush his hair from his face. No, I didn't envy them at all.


	10. Comforting

**A/N:** Do do do, bored again. Started a new story, btw, and I might return to my Assassin's Creed one.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

10: _Comforting_

Weeks passed and the healing process began. It was slow-going because the virus Gohan had contracted was particularly nasty but soon he was getting off the couch to hobble around the house. His bloody coughing was reduced to phlegm and he could speak more freely without his voice getting caught in his torn throat. I frequented the house to watch him recover while Vegeta waited outside, arms folded and head turned away toward the sky. I'd learned that the Saiyan prince had no stomach for sick children.

Goku occupied himself with tending to Gohan, leaving for most of the day to bring home food that Chi-Chi would make into soup. She was getting better but when I watched them curiously from the corner of my eye I couldn't help but notice a space. Neither of them was interacting beyond pleasantries.

The crisis had passed and everything was well in our world again. Gohan would pull through his violent illness and we would not experience a loss that was unlike any other; something that would cripple Goku and Chi-Chi beyond repair. Our fragile balance had not been upset. I would return to Capsule Corp. to continue my research and Vegeta would tag along to berate me about the status of our child.

My belly was expanding to the point that I was constantly wearing sweaters. When Chi-Chi offered me lunch I would gag and hide my face, insisting that I just wasn't hungry. Vegeta peered in the window to gauge my health sometimes and his scowl deepened when Goku sat beside me to rub my back. They were always glaring at one another but never speaking. It was an eerie stand-off.

When Gohan was finally healthy and back to his normal self I was feeling the intense effects of a new illness I couldn't quite pinpoint. I stayed home and languished in bed, throwing up until all that came out was bile and spit. Of course Vegeta hung around the corner to watch with his arms folded and eyes narrowed. My head was burning. Something wasn't right and I had a bad feeling it was related to the half-Saiyan child growing in my womb.

Word spread quickly and one afternoon the doorbell rang downstairs. Vegeta was training in the gravity room, sick of listening to me being sick, so I rolled out of bed and slumped my way down the stairs. The world was spinning; the lights were too bright for my pupils. One dilated larger than the other and I struggled to hide my face as I made my way to let the visitor in.

I'd hardly registered sitting on the ground but my guests quickly scooped me up, repeating my name like I was being chastised. _Bulma, Bulma, Bulma. What are you doing on the floor, Bulma? Bulma, you look pale. What's wrong, Bulma? Maybe you need to rest more, Bulma. Maybe you caught what Gohan had._

Disoriented, I registered Krillin sitting across from me. His shiny bald head refracted the overhead lights and I groaned softly, turning to bury my face in the chest of my other visitor. The moment I smelled him I jerked back in fear, remembering the horrible thing we had done together when Gohan was ill. But Goku smelled like sunshine and trees and he pulled me close, pressing the back of his palm to my head.

"Is she sick?" Krillin asked nervously.

"I think so." Goku gently smoothed my bangs from my face and I could see his scared black eyes searching my face. "Bulma? Can you hear me? Where's Vegeta?"

"Gravity," I muttered.

"Typical! Of course he didn't notice, he's too busy being macho!" Krillin folded his arms in disgust.

My eyes widened. Oh no. What if Goku let it slip that I was pregnant? If they brought me to the hospital the doctors would find out and they might say something to Krillin. He'd blurt it to everyone. He could never keep his mouth shut when it really counted.

Goku laughed a little. "Well, you know how Vegeta is. I'm gonna bring her upstairs and put her to bed. D'you want to wait down here for me? I shouldn't be too long."

"Sure," Krillin said, "I'm not good with sick people, anyway."

Once again I was scooped up like a ragdoll and carried upstairs through the quiet hallway to my bedroom. I lolled on the mattress when Goku set me down and he walked away, rubbing the back of his head while he tried to find me a change of clothes. Confused, I glanced down at my stomach. My shirt was doused in sweat. It looked like I'd just jumped in the swimming pool.

It felt terrible. While Goku was busy in the other half of my room looking for clothes, desperately trying to match colors, I slid out of bed and stumbled down the hall to the bathroom. A shower would help me feel better. I was certain I just needed to wash off the illness and it made sense to my delirious mind.

The signs had been there from the beginning but I never read into them. For a long time I wondered if I had contracted Gohan's sickness and lost the fight. But my symptoms seemed to start before Gohan became seriously ill, which meant it had all been a freak accident. The doctor told me over and over again that it was normal; that it happened to a lot of women. He put his hand on my shoulder and apologized. Nothing comforted me. The pain of my loss was unbearable.

Goku called my name from the hallway as I shuffled into the bathroom and closed the door. I peeled off my sweaty clothes, catching my pale, ghostly reflection in the mirror. Even my normally vibrant blue hair seemed darker than normal, held up in a flimsy side ponytail that didn't match my perky demeanor.

Suddenly, I was stricken with intense abdominal pain that made me buckle over the bathtub and throw up the soup I had tried keeping down. I clutched the porcelain edge, trembling in fear, and reached over to turn the water on with a sweaty hand. It washed away the evidence of my sickness and I pulled myself under the steady stream of water to rinse away the layer of sweat across my skin.

A few minutes passed and the sickened feeling began to fade away. My face was aimed toward the jet of water, eyes closed to enjoy the soothing sensation. My appendages stopped trembling and I relaxed fully when the bathroom door opened. I turned my head and opened an eye to see the outline of Goku on the other side of the curtain. His hand was behind his head.

"Uh, I brought some clothes," he said awkwardly. "Are you feeling alright? Chi-Chi wasn't like this when she was carrying Gohan…" He paused, arm no longer moving around his hair. I also stopped scrubbing my hair and wondered what was up until he suddenly tore the curtain aside.

"Hey!" I protested. "I know you've seen me naked but you can't just—"

"Bulma, get out of the shower."

"What? Why? Look, I still don't feel perfect and Krillin is right downstairs so we should probably think about this before it gets all complicated and… and…"

Goku's eyes were on my legs. It didn't seem strange, considering I was naked and he'd automatically want to look, but his black eyes looked horrified. Confused, I looked down my body. Everything seemed pretty normal up top until I focused on my legs.

Blood was covering the insides of my thighs, running in thin lines to mix with the water at my feet. My eyes widened in terror as I slowly traced the line of blood toward the drain, already knowing what I was going to see. The water streamed through my hair and Goku suddenly lunged into the shower to yank me out, covering my mouth when I started screaming uncontrollably.

It was the ultimate loss. I sank to the bathroom floor, alternating between shrieking and sobbing while holding my head in my hands. Goku had no idea what to do and draped a towel over my shoulders, forever scarred with the image of whatever my body had rejected. Krillin never came upstairs.

And my secret was never spread. It remained between Goku and I: even Vegeta wasn't privy to what had happened in the bathroom. As I walked back down the hall, cold and shivering, I wondered what I would tell him. He wouldn't understand that it was bound to happen; that the first pregnancy almost always ends badly. I could see the cold, angry glare on his face, judging me.

Back in my bedroom, I crawled beneath the sheets to cry into my pillow, terrified that the worst was yet to come. But my body was through torturing me. My womb was empty again. Goku sat beside me and uncomfortably rubbed the back of his head, unsure of how to act. Did he even know what happened?

"Uh," he said when my sobs had slowed down somewhat, "y'know, that happened to me and Chi-Chi. A couple of times before Gohan was born. Uh…" He paused, scratching at his neck. His eyes looked vacant. "Well, we're technically two different species so I guess our stuff doesn't go together well. She always got real upset and cried for a long time when it happened to her."

I looked up at him, eyes brimming with tears. "I'll never know him. I… I was kind of excited to see what he was going to look like and now… now he's gone in an instant. After everything I've been through, it was all for no reason. Vegeta's probably going to say I did it on purpose!"

"No, no, no," Goku said hastily, "the doctors said it happens a lot! I mean, I don't really get it but… you're going to be okay. Wait to tell Vegeta. Maybe he'll forget or something."

"Vegeta? Forget about me being pregnant with his goddamn successor? I'm going to start shrinking pretty soon and he's going to notice that." I sat up, holding my face in my hands. It was hard to breathe and even harder to think. "Maybe I can just get pregnant again and act like nothing happened. It was only a month and a half. He's oblivious sometimes. No, that isn't a good reason to have a baby. It isn't fair to bring a baby into the world just to save myself from Vegeta screaming."

"I'll tell him. I'm not afraid. And if he tries to yell at you I'll punch him until he stops."

"I don't know, maybe I should just try to have a kid again. I'm not getting any younger and it feels like something's missing. I could still keep it from Vegeta and everything will be fine."

An offended look crossed Goku's face. "But… but don't have babies with _Vegeta_! He'll be such a mean daddy and I just don't like to think of it. I'll go talk to him right now so you don't have to. Stay in bed and rest; don't worry about anything. I'll fix it."

The Saiyan stood and I quickly grabbed his forearm, immediately turning his attention back to me. His black eyes were sad and his hair was even more askew than normal; a testament to his stress level. I pulled myself up with his arm until I was kneeling before him on the bed, almost eye-to-eye with his tormented expression. Goku didn't move a muscle.

"Stay with me," I said.

His Adam's apple bobbed. "I have to protect you."

It was true. Protection was a secondary instinct to Goku that superseded any and all other emotional or physiological responses, even hunger. It was the culmination of his Saiyan nature clashing with his human morality that gave him an insufferable hero complex.

But I was lonely and emotionally spent. All I wanted was a warm body beside mine and Vegeta would be in the gravity chamber for several days practicing his techniques. I pulled gently on Goku's arm as I lay back down and gestured for him to join me. He twisted his neck a few times, resisting the overwhelming urge to leave and defend what he comprehended as his, ultimately turning to leave.

I sank into bed to watch him walk out my bedroom door, shoulders squared and arms stiffened. He was gone down the stairs in the next moment, leaving me alone, gazing sadly after him. Who was I kidding? Goku was never and could never be mine. He belonged to other people and other responsibilities.

There were quiet words downstairs and I heard the distinct peal of Krillin's laughter. The door opened and shut and I figured the two had left together. I closed my eyes, shivering slightly under the sheets. It was getting colder out. I'd have to start bundling up to hide my lost weight from Vegeta.

With a soft thud, my bedroom door opened.

Goku was there in the outline of the moon, already taking off his shirt. I blinked at him a few times in surprise but moved over to allow him into bed beside me. He was instant, comforting heat, and I curled close to his body to feel his arms around me. His heart thrummed in a steady beat against my cheek, gradually lulling me to sleep…


	11. Lying

**A/N:** Okay, I need some feedback for reals now. I don't know if I want this to end next chapter or if I'm going to document their affair for a certain amount of years and extend the story another ten chapters. What do you guys think/want? End it or continue? If there are no strong opinions I'll just end it.

DID ANYONE SEE SUPER ANDROID 13? It's the seventh movie, I believe. Goku, Gohan, and Chi-Chi are shopping in the beginning so Chi-Chi is fighting other women over clothes because that's what women do, right? Anyway, Goku and Gohan are watching and Goku turns to his son (who is like 7?) and says "Wow, this is like that time we watched mud wrestling on television! Remember?" I was peeing my pants.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

11) _Lying_

The doctor gave me a clean bill of health a few days later, assuring me the entire time that it was perfectly normal and I would be able to conceive again. I smiled and nodded in agreement like that was my intention from the beginning and he smiled back. A prescription for a new birth control was written out and I clutched it tightly in my hand as I left the office, glaring at the ground. It had failed me before. What would I do if it failed me again?

Back at home I opened the refrigerator to see what I wanted for lunch. I tapped my chin and my eyes fell upon a bottle of wine my mother was chilling for her dinner later. It had been over a month since I last tasted alcohol and I didn't have a baby growing inside me to worry about. My hand settled on my abdomen where I had felt the stirrings of life. It was empty now. I had lost the weight.

I snatched the bottle from the fridge and set it on the counter, leaning on my tiptoes to grab a glass from the cabinet. Getting pregnant again wasn't worth it. I wouldn't risk losing another baby for absolutely no reason and wondering what could've been. Vegeta had been away training and I hadn't summoned the courage to interrupt him and reveal what happened in the shower. Part of me hoped it would fade into the distance if I waited long enough.

The kitchen was quiet. I poured the ruby liquid into my glass, careful not to slosh it over the sides, and sat at the island to stare out the window. Life had changed dramatically since our return from Namek. Gohan came close to dying, I got pregnant and had a miscarriage, Vegeta proposed, Chi-Chi went crazier than normal and Goku and I had started an affair. Kind of. We weren't together often.

I'd hardly taken two sips of the sweet wine when the front door opened. I turned with the glass arbitrarily dangling from my finger tips and my eyes widened.

Vegeta's Saiyan armor was torn in a few places and he was sweating profusely from the intensity of his training. He wanted to surpass Goku dearly. His black eyes were riveted on the glass of wine in my hand and flickered to the bottle resting beside me. I quickly pushed it away but the damage was done.

"I hope that's grape juice," he hissed.

"Look, I can explain. It's only one glass and the doctor said—"

"Was the child begging you for alcohol?!" He slammed the door shut, eyes bright with rage. "I may be from a foreign planet but I am not fool, Bulma. You're trying to dispose of our offspring!"

"_Bulma, get out of the shower."_

"_What? Why?"_

_Goku's eyes were serious and sad. I tried to look but he wouldn't let me. He yanked me out so I wouldn't see what had become of the baby growing inside me. But there was no comfort. All I could do was sob and all he could do was hold me. We could only wait for the pain to fade._

Outraged, I hurled the goblet at Vegeta, nearly hitting him in the head. My eyes were full of tears before I could stop them and I screamed furiously. "How could you say something like that?! Put a muzzle on your disgusting mouth before I come over there and punch it shut!"

The Saiyan advanced toward me and I threw the bottle of wine at him, still shrieking like a banshee. He pinned me against the cupboards and I could hear the birds singing outside. It was painful feeling so damn helpless. Sometimes I really hated being a normal human. I hated that I had been gifted with a brain instead of a fighting instinct like Chi-Chi.

Vegeta grabbed my chin, forcing me to look at him. "You're lying."

"I am not _lying_!" I screeched. "Let me go! Get out of my goddamn house and never come back!"

Suddenly, one of Vegeta's calloused hands slid over my mouth and he pushed me closer to the countertop until I bent backwards. He was hovering over me, black eyes glowing with fury and knowing. I always thought he knew. He was the most perceiving son of a bitch I had ever met. I struggled against him and glared back through the tears blurring my vision.

Telling him the truth was becoming and more and more frightening. I was panicked over what his reaction would be when he found out I had miscarried. He would shout and howl like he was always did during his rages and Goku could probably get him to calm down but what damage would be done? What if he lost control of himself for a fraction of a second and I was in his path? My life was hanging in the balance. I knew Vegeta better than any of the others.

It was better to blend. I had to give in to survive. We would have a baby together and everyone would wonder and murmur at first but eventually they would understand. Vegeta and I would argue until we were blue in the face. It would usually end in rough, detached sex.

If I couldn't have Goku, I had nowhere else to go.

When I swallowed and closed my eyes the Saiyan finally stood back, crossing his arms like a defiant child. I wiped my mouth and clutched the edge of the counter. My whole body was shaking. I knew I was about to begin a lifelong lie that no one else would see through. I would reject Goku and take my place where I belonged as part of the woodwork.

Head bowed, I addressed him. "Yes."

Vegeta shifted irately. His toe tapped on the floor. "Are you losing your mind? Who are you talking to, woman? If you're inferior genes carry into our child—"

"I'll marry you."

I'd expected Goku to come bursting through the door like a brilliant orange gleam of hope. He would save me like always and we would run away together and be happy. We could bring Gohan. I was fond of him and we had bonded on Namek. Chi-Chi could stay behind with Vegeta and the two of them would get along famously wallowing in self-pity. Everything would work out in the end.

But he was with his family, celebrating Gohan's health while I tried to hide my recent miscarriage from my unstable new fiancé. Vegeta stared at me blankly for a few moments before clearing his throat and patting me on the arm. I shrank back closer to the counter and wished I could disappear.

We weren't the type of couple that openly discussed feelings. Vegeta didn't admit his love for me until long after we had married quietly before the Cell Games. He walked away with all the dignity he could muster and when I heard the door the lab slam shut I drifted to the floor like a leaf to sob. I was such a coward. My spine had disintegrated over the years; I was a shadow of what I used to be.

And like a shadow, I crept through the house in utter silence for the rest of the day. I ruminated over my decision, wondering if Goku would even care. It meant I needed to sleep with Vegeta again and soon. If he exploded over a glass of wine he would burst a blood vessel if the baby was over a month late.

But I couldn't bring myself to approach him in the lab. My feet swung carelessly at the island as I stirred my hot tea, staring into the coppery water for some kind of comfort. Maybe I was better suited for Vegeta. We were both aggressive and no-nonsense. He was cunning and cold; I was intelligent and narcissistic—two sides of the same coin that would've made a terrific dictator.

The doorbell rang. It was getting dark out. The birds were replaced with choruses of crickets and cicadas singing to their mates before the sun was completely gone. I slid out of my chair and my feet touched the cool linoleum, making me shiver and rub my arms. Winter was coming. Soon I would be binding myself in thick blankets and hiding inside while snow fell quietly outside. I shuffled toward the door and pulled it open, expecting to see my mother's vacant expression.

Goku had finally come to rescue me.

His black hair shifted under a gentle breeze and a small smile touched his already upturned mouth. He was excited to see me. His eyes glittered. "Heya, Bulma. I wanted to see how your visit with the doctor went. If you're sick I um…" He turned a few times, feeling his pockets until he discovered what he wanted. He proudly held out a bag with some leaves in it. "I used to make Chi-Chi tea with this when she didn't feel good after. Sometimes it made her real sick, though."

The tiny bag felt heavy in my hands. I stared at it, struggling to hold back more tears. What was I doing? What was wrong with me? Goku said he wanted me and… and… but Chi-Chi moved back home and I didn't want to tear apart the happy family. It wasn't fair to any of them, especially Gohan. After everything he had suffered he deserved to live a life that was as close to normal as possible.

I held the leaves close to my heart. "Thank you, Goku. The doctor said everything's fine. But… I need to talk to you about something else. It's important so try to pay attention."

"I always pay attention to you. What's wrong?" He cracked his knuckles, frowning. "Do you want me to punch Vegeta a little? Was he mad when you told him? If he broke anything or…" Goku suddenly stopped and grabbed one of my arms, ignoring my protests, to shove my sleeve up.

There were a few small bruises on my pale underarm. They didn't hurt so I hadn't noticed them. Goku's black eyes bored into my skin and he trembled trying to restrain his anger. I wrenched my arm free and took a step back to fold them over my chest. It was getting really cold out.

"I accepted Vegeta's proposal," I said. My stomach was twisting in knots. "I think it's time for both of us to move on and accept where we are instead of waiting for something to change."

Goku stepped on the threshold, looming over me. "Who did that to you?"

"We're getting married sooner rather than later so—"

"Where is he? If you won't tell Vegeta the truth, I'm gonna do it for you. I'm not afraid of him. I beat him up before and I'll gladly do it again."

"Goku, _no_!" I shouted.

Both of us stopped moving. His foot hesitated on the door before he stepped back, waiting outside with his head cocked to the side. He looked sad. His shoulders drooped. Vegeta was an untamable force of nature but Goku had human morals and compassion to keep him rooted in the real world.

I closed my eyes, afraid to see his face any more. "Please go home to them."

Then I felt an arm on my shoulder and the distinct feeling of an ominous presence behind me. I looked at Goku to see him glowering at Vegeta, who was probably grinning like the slippery bastard he was. But no matter how outraged he was Goku would not step foot inside my home. I had told him not to and he would obey me. Maybe I needed someone like Vegeta to keep me on my toes.

Or maybe I didn't. I could've needed someone like Goku—empathetic to a fault, warm and caring, a devoted father, selfless, bright, well-meaning but a bit of an idiot. He was protective because he wanted me to be happy. Vegeta was protective of me in the same way a dragon guarded its gold. I was a commodity that needed to be safeguarded; the prize at the end of the battle, not a person.

"Come by to sob more about your son, Kakarot?" Vegeta asked.

"No. I wanted to talk to you." Goku cracked his neck, eyes narrowed. "C'mon. Let's go somewhere quieter. I don't want to make a scene in the city."

"There's nothing to be said," I insisted as Vegeta walked past me.

The two Saiyan were nose-to-nose again. It was a fight for honor. Vegeta stalked past Goku and took off into the air and my friend turned to me. He smiled weakly and gently touched my forearm.

"I'll be back," he said.

It was reminiscent of the night Vegeta found out I was pregnant. Goku saluted me with two fingers and was gone in an instant, trailing off like a shooting star into the invading darkness. I held a hand over my empty abdomen and wondered what the hell I was going to do.


	12. Vying

**A/N:** Finally got to go home for the weekend and spend time with my boyfriend, so that was nice. Also got a bunch of homework done and watched Steins;Gate like a madwoman. LOVE that anime. I wish I could write a fanfic but it's so complicated that I think it's better for me to stay away. This is steering away from canon and going into its own story so sorry to anyone who wanted it to follow the structure of DBZ. It's way too constrictive. Thank you for all the reviews, guys! :)

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

12: _Vying_

Snow was falling in the quiet darkness when Vegeta finally returned, sporting a black eye and enough contusions to kill an elephant. He slammed the door shut and glared at me, curled up on the couch with a book, then wiped blood from his mouth and stalked toward the stairs. I turned to watch his torn shirt fade into the shadows and immediately looked back toward the door to see if Goku followed. He'd looked so upset when he left. I needed to make things right.

The door didn't open again. The snowdrifts glided past my window and rapidly piled on the hardening earth to make banks. I closed my book and set it on the coffee table. No, Goku needed to go home. It was the first snowfall and he would have to make sure his family was doing okay. I rubbed my eyes and rose from the couch to head upstairs after Vegeta, making sure to turn the lights out along the way.

Vegeta passed me in the hallway on his way out. He had cleaned his face a bit but something about it caught my eye and I grabbed his arm. The Saiyan spun around angrily and tore his forearm free from my grasp as I stared in shock at his puffy red eyes. It was hard to see in the darkness. Normally I tried to keep my physical contact with him as infrequent as possible so he didn't get any ideas.

Neither of us said a word. I stared at his face as he gritted his teeth and glared back at me. Crying didn't suit Vegeta's face every well—he was always scowling, trying to look manly and composed, not show emotion. Whenever it flickered across his features it was an enormous surprise and I didn't know how to cope with it. But soon he faded into the shadows and I heard the front door open and shut.

I stood in the hallway for a while trying to process what I had just seen. My mother peered out of her bedroom at one point and waved to me before vanishing again, unable to notice my confusion. I leaned on the wall and wondered what had driven Vegeta to cry. Had Goku beaten him up that bad? I'd watched them pummel one another a few times and it had never reduced either to tears. The only time Vegeta had shown any weakness was when he was about to die at the hands of Frieza.

It was too late at night to try solving the inexorable personality of Vegeta. I sighed and shook my head, soon proceeding into my room to sleep it off. He'd come back in the morning and act like nothing happened. Geez, I'd agreed to marry the guy and now he was acting like a girl. He was never happy with anything I did, whether it was keeping his offspring or letting him live in my house for free.

"He's sad because I told him. It isn't fair to lie, Bulma."

Goku was sitting on the windowsill with his hands clasped in his laps, just as beat-up as Vegeta had been. I shut my door and felt my rage building rapidly. If he told Vegeta what I was thinking, Goku wouldn't be leaving Capsule Corp. alive. I would make sure of it.

"He didn't need to know," I said, setting my hands on my hips. "Do you know what you've done? Now he's going to come back here and freak out of me because you couldn't keep your mouth shut about something that doesn't even matter. It's none of his business. I can't stand him. And when we do get married, I'll make sure he never knows any of my business."

"You can't marry him and you can't pretend to like him just to make him happy. If you don't have a baby in you anymore he should know."

"Are you telling me it's okay for you to be married and act like everything is okay when you're obviously miserable but it's wrong for me to do the same? We moved too fast, Goku, and now both of us have to pay the price. It isn't fair to lie to anyone but knowing the truth will hurt them even more."

"Well…" He looked down at his hands, suddenly very interested in the lines of his big palms. His shirt was torn far beyond repair. Chi-Chi would have a heart attack. "That's what I needed to talk to you about. After I told Vegeta we beat each other up and he said it was wrong for me to pay more attention to you than my wife. So… I went to talk to Chi-Chi."

I held my face in my palms. "Jesus Christ, don't tell me you told her everything."

The Saiyan was quiet but I could hear him swallowing hard. "No, nothing. I looked all around for her and all I found was a note in the kitchen. It was really short. She's always short when she's really mad and only rants when it's less serious."

Cold tingled down my limbs and I peered between my fingers at Goku. He was rummaging in his pocket for something again and withdrew a crumpled piece of paper that had obviously been crushed in anger. He stood and offered it to me before returning to his perch to stare at the floor. I unfolded it, fearing the worst. She'd told everyone. She'd told Gohan. She'd _killed _Gohan. Lord knew she was crazy enough.

_Papa has offered to let Gohan and I live with him in the castle. Some things won't change. We can discuss details at a later date._

_-Chi-Chi_

The note was a bit confusing, even for me. I read it over and over again, trying to discern what she meant in the second line, but it was so vague that I knew I would need her to clarify. Poor Goku was probably fifty times as lost as I was and he had come home to an empty house. No Gohan, no Chi-Chi, and his life was once again turned upside down.

I sat down on my bed and hunched over the elegantly written note. She had taken her time. It had been planned out to inflict as much suffering as possible; far too short to garner any real thoughts and far too vague to make any sense. It was the most brutal form of torture for Goku.

We sat quietly for a few minutes before he joined me on the bed, gently taking the note to crinkle it back up again. I tried to take it back to see if I could figure out her message but he put it back in his pocket and held my wrists to my sides. It was driving me crazy. "Some things won't change"? What did she mean? That they would stay married? That he was never going to change his ways?

Goku released me and rubbed the back of his head. "I'm going there tomorrow. I want to see if she'll let me have Gohan. And…" He looked down at the floor again in embarrassment. "I don't really get what she means so I wanna make sure I figure it out and don't do anything wrong."

My first instinct was to tell him he hadn't done anything wrong. I held my tongue. We had both done plenty wrong over the past month. Even if I tried to lie and tell him he was innocent he would see straight through me and call my bluff. Silence was the only adequate response.

What was I supposed to say? We had been friends for so long… his wife left him and took their son along with her. It couldn't be easy being with Goku and knowing every time you say goodbye it might be the last time. I began to look away when I saw his back as he headed into the darkness because I knew I wouldn't be able to cope remembering the image.

The good friend in me would slander Chi-Chi and call her names and say she was just an uppity bitch who had grown cold. But the overbearing part of me that was hopelessly in love with Goku saw a glimmer of hope in our future and desperately wanted to seize it before it faded. She had her reasons for leaving. Neither of them was happy, right? Was it so bad if I stepped in?

Again, nothing was necessary on my part. Goku needed no encouragement. He tapped his fingers on his thigh and reached over to put his palm over my knee, giving it a gentle squeeze.

"I'm sorry," he said. "I know it wasn't right for me to tell Vegeta but… I didn't want to see you make a dumb mistake like I did and try to be with the wrong person. I know how bad it feels, especially when you make a baby with them like I did."

"It's okay. You were right. It isn't nice to lie to people."

"No, and it was mean to do it to Chi-Chi. I better go see her early tomorrow before Gohan wakes up." Goku made a face like he'd eaten something sour. "Bleh, I hate talking like this. It makes me all goopy inside like I'm melting." Then he turned to face the window and his eyes lit up with glee. "Bulma, Bulma, let's go out in the snow! There's a lot of it now. D'you think the lake is frozen over at Mt. Paozu? I can fly us up there and we can check!"

"Sure," I said. "Let me put something warm on."

It wasn't bitterly cold like I had imagined. I bundled myself up in a thick coat, gloves, a hat, and a scarf but found I was getting hot before long, though it could've been attributed to Goku's natural warmth. He was only wearing the orange getup but didn't seem affected by the low temperatures at all and actively chatted away while we flew toward the mountain. I closed my eyes and leaned back in his arms, enjoying the cold snow and wind howling through my hair; biting at my skin.

We landed in a foot of snow beside the lake that hadn't quite frozen over. My boots crushed through the snow as I made my way to a high bank to make a snowball. The mountain was silent. It felt ethereal without the sounds of wildlife all around us. I gathered up as much snow as I could fit in my hands and turned around, cocking an arm back to throw it at Goku.

The canopy of trees was long dead from the fall but they curved around the lake, offering an outline of the moon on certain nights. It was full and bright with a clear sky that had mesmerized him. I lowered my arm and watched Goku staring up at the sky, the corners of his mouth turned up in a small smile. It had been so rare to see him standing still before but now he was always pensive, always thinking.

He cocked his head. "I like winter. It's quiet."

The snowball tumbled from my hand and I brushed the snow from my gloves. He'd been so eager a little while ago that I assumed he wanted to bound around like a hyperactive puppy. "I'd think you'd like summer. There's swimming, hiking, barbeques…"

"Yeah," he said. His eyes closed. "But all the bad guys attack during good weather. And I like the feeling of the cold air in my lungs when I'm training in the winter. It burns like nothing else. It pushes me to be stronger and… I like the quiet. Vegeta hates fighting in the cold so he usually says no unless he's really sore with me like today. Being alone is a good break sometimes, y'know?"

If people could be compared to gems Goku was the closest thing I had found to being a diamond. Vegeta was far from it—he was one of those impossibly unbreakable black rocks that you had no chance of seeing through. He didn't reflect anything back at you. He was cold and indifferent.

Goku was faceted and beautiful; nothing would ever break him and he was the envy of everyone who knew him. Sometimes I would see his different faces glinting but it would be snuffed out and tilted to the right angle to keep everyone else and myself blind. I stared at him and wondered why I never noticed him before. How hadn't I seen it? How had I been able to ignore what was in front of me?

Quicker than lightning a snowball hit me square in the stomach, making me double over in mixed pain and shock. Goku laughed and I was soon hit with another before scrambling to launch more back at him. He was cognizant of my humanity. He would easily deflect one and dramatically collapse each time the next three were volleyed at his gut. I appreciated it. Sometimes it was hard to feel adequate beside him and even a silly snowball fight made all the difference.

The chattering of my teeth became loud enough that he could hear it across the icy tundra between us. Goku dropped his snowball and walked over to tilt my chin up on his fingertip. He grinned, holding my face gently in his hands and running his thumbs along my cheeks. Nice and warm.

"Your face is red," he said. "We should go back."

I frowned and touched the tip of his reddening nose. "So is yours! This is a no-mercy snowball fight. Whoever leaves is the loser."

"Awww, Bulma, I can't let you get frostbite." He leaned down and scooped me into his arms, holding my shivering body close to his. "But I should've already known you're stubborn, even if you ran away a lot when the bad guys attacked us."

"Well _excuse _me! I was just a pretty young girl trying to wish for a boyfriend."

"You didn't have you priorities very straight back then," Goku noted, taking off into the air.

"They were so crooked I'm surprised I ever got back on track," I said. "But I guess I've gone off the right path again after all this."

"Eh, I don't think that way. The way I see it, we both went on the wrong path really early and now we're going back to the right one. It happens that way sometimes."

We landed again soon after that. Goku continued carrying me through the snow and I peered through an eyelid to see we were still surrounded by trees. West City was still loud, even at night during the winter. I craned my neck to look around and was surprised to find we were at his house instead of Capsule Corp. Maybe he needed to get something before we left.

It was already warm inside but Goku started a fire for good measure. I peeled off my cold, wet clothes and he rung them out as I handed them over, politely averting his eyes from my body. A thick, scratchy blanket was thrown around my shoulders and I sat on the couch to warm my hands by the fire. Goku sat beside me, rubbing the back of his head. His eyes looked beyond exhausted.

I curled my legs underneath me and shuddered. "Brr, it's freezing up here. When do you want to head back to my place? It's probably not good for you to stay because of Vegeta hanging around."

"I thought… I don't know." Goku twiddled his thumbs, still wearing the clothes he had been rolling around in outside. "Do you want to just, uh… stay here tonight?"

Chi-Chi had only recently left. She still hung in remnants around the house—a forgotten meal, perfume in a pillowcase, an abandoned pair of shoes. Sleeping in her bed didn't feel right. Goku was still married to her regardless of what the letter said and I needed to make sure that was over before I could continue with what we had started. It was a thrill thinking of being caught but I didn't want that forever.

"You should probably bury the hatchet with Chi-Chi," I replied, gazing into the fire.

"Please? I'm waking up really early and I wanted you to come with me. You don't have to be there when we talk but if you could be there after, maybe?" He shifted. His clothes were starting to become uncomfortable. "We can sleep in the basement. It's cold but I'm warm. I think we have a space heater lying around somewhere, too."

"Goku," I said sharply. "Come on, you know that's not okay. I don't want to keep doing things the wrong way. We need to be more prudent and think about what we're doing. Throwing caution to the wind and acting like animals isn't going to get us anywhere."

"It'll get us warm in bed!" he said brightly.

No matter how many times I rejected him he wheedled and whined until I caved. We went upstairs so he could put dry clothes on and I slumped down the basement stairs to go to sleep, immediately curving against Goku to avoid the chill in the air. He held me close, humming and stroking my hair…


	13. Sighing

**A/N**: I was a bit inspired to write this after I overcame my writer's block with it. This isn't going to be much longer... or maybe it is. I have a really great ending in mind that will happen soon, but the events after could perhaps become another story. Oh, and the next chapter will be kind of Vegeta/Bulma heavy but that's basically it for them.

**Warnings:** Implied non-con.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

* * *

**My Own Being**

13: _Sighing_

There was no warmth beside me when I woke up the next morning.

Yawning, I turned to blearily search for Goku's body beside mine and was surprised to see he had left me alone in the basement. This reminded me of how frigid it was and I shivered miserably in my blanket before swinging my legs onto the cold concrete floor, squealing in distaste and sinking back into the couch. I caught my breath and hesitantly moved again to dart through the basement to the stairs, up into the warm house. I slammed the basement door shut behind me.

"Goku?" I called, wandering into the kitchen with my arms folded. "Sorry if I kept you waiting but I sleep like a rock sometimes. If you didn't make breakfast yet I'd be happy to…"

The wind was howling outside. Snow tumbled past the windows with frightening speed but if I squinted hard enough I could see the bare outline of boots in the drifts. I frowned. Goku had left without me? That was too bad but probably a good thing. Being human, I didn't react well to cold weather, and now I didn't have to watch Chi-Chi ream him out for no good reason. I bit my lower lip and decided to start making dinner for later on since it was obvious I couldn't go back to Capsule Corp.

Bustling around the Son household by myself was a foreign, exciting feeling. I leaned on my tiptoes to search the cabinets for food and imagined what it was like in the mornings for Chi-Chi when she had to feed a Saiyan and a half-Saiyan. Of course the house was brimming with ingredients but didn't have any idea what to do with them and the Sons didn't have WiFi so I could Google it. My only option was to make a hell of a lot of grilled cheese and hope it would suffice.

It was too early to start so I organized what I could in the refrigerator and set the rest on the counter. Pots and pans and all sorts of weird cooking utensils hung over the sink but I only grabbed the biggest pan I could find and laid that out as well. It gave a pitiful sense of accomplishment seeing I had even gotten that far. Usually I passed the work on to the butler instead of bothering with it.

Nothing happened for a long time. Eventually I grew bored and wandered into the living room to read a book, flipping through the pages while the day gradually ebbed away. I began to worry after a while with the snow falling outside so heavily, and stood in front of the window to stare into the cold, endless night as it fell upon Mt. Paozu. My stomach rumbled but I hardly felt it. Where _was _he?

A knock on the door roused me when I was preparing to head out into the snow. Relieved, I hurried across the dining room to open the door, smoothing my hair down to look more presentable. My heart pattered nervously; I was worried Chi-Chi had come back and would pummel me when she saw I was lounging around her house. The person knocked again and I opened the door.

Cold, sad black eyes met mine.

I stepped back at the sight of Vegeta's spiky hair, doused in snow. His hands were in his pockets and he was dumb enough to wear his Saiyan armor out in the freezing weather. When I leaned on my tiptoes to look for Goku he hardly reacted, only gazed blankly at the wall beyond my shoulder.

"What are you doing here?" I asked irately. "Do you know where Goku is?"

"So you've shacked up with Kakarot, then. I assumed as much."

"We didn't 'shack up'. Goku and I have been friends for a really long time and… it was always there. I don't expect you to understand or care, nor should you expect me to be with you because of one stupid night where we didn't have any self-control."

The snow whirled around the trees, blotting out the sky. Vegeta smiled bitterly. "Yes, of course. How could I be so judgmental of you, Bulma?"

"If you're not with Goku, why are you here?"

The threshold groaned under the weight of Vegeta's foot as he stepped inside the house, nudging the door open just enough to allow him the space. I'd lived with Vegeta for a while and automatically assumed the worst, promptly slapping him across the face as he approached me. His dark eyes lingered on my face for a few moments after the fact but he didn't scream or shout like usual.

He seemed… broken.

I swallowed hard, breaking into a triumphant smile. "Oh, so that's all you have to say? Aren't you going to kill me or something now? You hate losing, especially to Goku."

Snow floated in through the open door behind Vegeta, looming in the calm stillness of the night with his arms hung in defeat at his sides. Then he closed the space between us to pull me into an awkward, one-armed embrace, holding me firmly to his chest by the back of my head. His fingers tangled in my hair for a few moments and I felt his warm breath upon my neck as he breathed deeply.

Then, he released me in another fluid motion. Vegeta clenched his hands into fists, jaw set like steel, and turned away from me to leave from whence he had come. Bewildered, I could only watch the Saiyan Prince fly off into the snowstorm without so much as a goodbye.

The icy chill chewed at my fingertips and bit along my collarbone as I remained utterly still before the open door. I was beginning to realize a painful truth I had long hidden—that Vegeta did indeed care for me, though he couldn't express it like a normal man. How horrible it must have been for him to see me lounging around Goku's house, making dinner for him, and to know I had chosen his rival. I'd agreed to marry Vegeta and later on that day he learned that our child had been taken from me.

Frozen to the core, my knees shattered beneath me and I collapsed to the floor on all fours, trembling from the cold and my own tribulations. Everyone hurt because of me. I'd torn apart Goku's marriage, I had performed the ultimate betrayal to Chi-Chi and her son, and now I had broken Vegeta's hurt. He was the proudest bastard I'd ever had the displeasure of dealing with but I never meant to…

A shadow eclipsed me. "Sheesh, the weather really turned bad out there—Bulma?! What're you doing on the floor?"

The door was kicked shut and instead of attempting to pick me up, Goku dropped to his knees in front of me, grasping my shoulders to push me up straight. I leaned back on my heels, teary-eyed with my lower lip quivering. His eyebrows knitted together with concern rather than anger. His mind didn't jump to conclusions very much, which was a merciful luxury.

"You're freezing!" he exclaimed, immediately pulling me into the warm security of his lap. He sat there on the frigid floor, arms wound tightly around me. "What the heck happened?! I'm really sorry it took me so long to get back, but she kept yelling and I wanted to make sure she would let me see Gohan. Were you going to leave? Did the door get stuck open?"

I was such a terrible human being. Goku was protective and devoted and I had to admit that I had been seeing him differently for a very long time, way before he married Chi-Chi. It wasn't my place, but I had eagerly crossed the boundary and pulled him into a convoluted affair that took no prisoners.

"Vegeta came here," I whispered in a shivering voice. "He… he didn't say much. He hugged me, though." I buried my face in Goku's chest and began to sob. "He hugged me and I could _feel_ it, Goku. I knew I hurt him and I know he isn't going to come back. He just turned and flew out into the blizzard while I gawked at him like a complete moron!"

"It's… it's okay, Bulma. This kind of thing is just going to happen, but it has to so you can stay with me. If we keep lying to everyone nothing good will happen and we'll be stuck in the same rut forever. Chi-Chi was kind of okay when I left, and I'm sure Vegeta will figure his own stuff out."

"No, no, it has to all go back to the way it was." I sniffled, clenching Goku's shirt tightly in my fists. I had never needed anyone quite as fiercely. I doubted I would ever again. "You have to talk to Chi-Chi and I have to find Vegeta. That's the way it's supposed to be. Everything is going badly because it's not what fate intended. I'm not supposed to be here in this house with you."

Goku shook his head furiously and held me away from his chest, still curled in his lap. His lips fell upon mine, fumbling and frightened, but I quickly broke away from him and skittered from his embrace to the cold, wet hardwood floor. We remained a few feet apart and stared at one another through the imposing darkness, broken into soft prickles of snowflakes. They played tricks on the light.

Physical intimacy was Goku's last resort when emotions ran too high. He couldn't comprehend them; his mind didn't stretch in that particular way. Of course, he was still a man and he knew full well how to use the rest of his body to his own advantage. It made him feel better. He assumed it would do the same for me. It was a recurring theme with the Saiyans, agonizingly reminding me of how different they were.

The veracity of my words resounded in both of our minds.

One of Goku's large hands extended toward me, palm-up in a gesture of goodwill. He smiled disarmingly but I could see the blackened sadness in his eyes. "…Bulma. Please don't think that way."

"It's true," I said. "I shouldn't be here."

"Y-yes, you should. Don't say that."

I dropped the tone of my voice to weaken his fear. "Goku, you should take me home."

He refused, blinking back tears. "No. After everything we've been through, I'm not going to give up that easily and let you leave forever. I don't want her and you don't want him. They're both gone and they'll just have to learn to live without us. I want you instead."

There I went again, breaking another Saiyan's heart. I steeled myself for the cold sting of rejection that I knew my poor Goku was going to suffer. "I'm sorry. I don't want you."

There was a pregnant pause and the only sound was the house groaning under the pressure of the blizzard. I hung my head in shame, scrambling to get to my feet. I would walk myself home. Of course I couldn't face Goku after what I had said. We would part ways with a clean break and return to the path fate had chosen instead of trying to force something that wasn't meant to be.

The Saiyan slammed his fist so hard on the floor that snow fell off the roof, sliding past the windows with and colliding in a muffled tone with the layers of ice on the ground. He staggered to his feet and I could see tears sliding down his cheeks through the darkness. I hoped he realized that what I said was true. It wouldn't be impossible to end what we had started. Everything could go back to normal.

He smiled. "Yeah, I'm sorry, too, Bulma. But I can't keep losing you like this."

Yes, everything would return to _exactly _the way I wanted it. But as Goku advanced toward me with stricken grief upon his face, I realized that all wishes demanded a sacrifice in return.

His fingers knitted into my hair when I slipped on the stairs; they were gentle but firm, unyielding against my shrieks of protest. He held me close like a doll that a security blanket and slowly shuffled up each step to the second floor of the quiet house. I sank my teeth into his shoulder to elicit a reaction but he only held me tighter, one hand clasped on the back of my head. He staggered down the hallway.

The bedroom felt far more ominous than I imagined, dark and devoid of all traces of Chi-Chi. Goku set me down on the bed and I furiously lashed out at him with my arms and legs that were quietly subdued. The snow drifted past the window as he restrained me to the unmade mattress and I screamed until his mouth covered mine in a passionate kiss. We needed to stop. We needed to end the cycle of misery.

But Goku was blind with anguish. I tried not to hold it against him as he peeled off my wet clothes and layered my body with kisses I never asked for, but I felt like I owed him. I'd ruined him. Would he ever return to normal after what we had been through together? It was a gamble.

We came together in a gruesome way that I didn't picture during my nights thinking of Goku. He was always so sweet and gentle that I lost myself for a brief moment and thought it was Vegeta growling and violently thrusting inside me. I lay quietly underneath his assault, wondering if our affair was worth destroying the picture of innocence that Goku portrayed. His sudden completion, finished with a guttural groan, smashed the headboard of the bed hard against the wall.

Goku collapsed on me in a tangle of sweaty limbs, nestling his face in the crook of my neck. One shivering finger traced the arch of my jaw down my throat, traveling with curiosity along the plane of my stomach and stumbling across my ribcage. He cupped his hand beneath my left breast to feel my heart.

We both cried. It was understood that I wouldn't be around in the morning.


	14. Acedia

**A/N:** Holy poop, covered a lot in this. I needed to realign it to canon, kind of. I was losing my bearings. :v Thanks for all the reviews!

**Warnings:** Mild sensuality.

**Disclaimer:** I do not own Dragon Ball Z or anything affiliated with it.

**-MalRev**

**My Own Being**

14: _Acedia_

The snowfall had stilled to a silent, slow procession of shimmering white flakes that dusted the two feet already layering the earth. I gazed impassively out of the bedroom window at the frigid landscape before gaining the will to push my body up, causing the sheets to fall away from my nude upper body. Beside me, Goku slept, arm slung across his eyes while his broad, exposed chest rose and fell in the gentle rhythm of sleep. I covered my chest with my forearm and quietly watched him.

We had our chance once long ago. Now we were both tethered to others who needed us more than we needed one another, and we had unilaterally begun a torrid affair. It wasn't fair to them. It wasn't fair for Chi-Chi to cry at her father's castle while Gohan wondered where his father was, and it wasn't fair for me to force Vegeta into wandering the unforgiving wilderness alone. Bonds had been forged that could never be broken, even if my love for Goku felt passionate enough to survive any challenge.

My lassitude made getting ready to leave all the more difficult. I considered returning to bed with Goku and apologizing for my words until he accepted me again. We could pretend they didn't exist; that I was still hardly past 22 and he was 18 and neither of us had truly fallen in love. But we both had, even if those feelings had faded over the years. I wished I had told him how I felt before it was too late.

Soon I was garbed in my snow boots and jacket, ready for the long walk back to West City. Goku would wake and probably try to find me, of course expecting I had gotten lost in the snow. I tightened my scarf to obscure my tears as I opened the door and stepped into the chilly morning. Maybe a few months apart would heal my pain. Maybe seeing him with Chi-Chi would replace the sense of normalcy.

With great care, I shut the door behind me.

The only sound during my silent walk was the hardened snow crunching beneath my boots as I attempted to follow the path toward the city. I clung to the edge of the trees, uncomfortable with being out in the open where Goku could find me. He would still be confused and hurt and I didn't want him to act out like he had the night before—I couldn't bear to see him that way again. All I wanted was to look into his eyes and see the sweet, innocent kid I had run over on a warm summer afternoon.

After a while walking and straining my ears for the slightest noise, I heard the faint voice I dreaded calling my name across the frozen landscape.

"_Bulma?"_

My tears surged forth with incredible ferocity as I hid myself within the veil of trees to at least avoid Goku's eyes. Maybe he wouldn't be able to trace my energy. If there was someone strong nearby, I might be eclipsed by them. I crouched low and covered my head with my hands.

"_Bulma, where are you?"_

It wasn't fair. Why couldn't I have him?

"_Bulma, I want to talk!"_

I could remember the day I saw him at the Tournament when he had turned 18 and I finally realized he was a man, not a silly little boy. We had been so close growing up. I never imagined…

"_Are you okay?"_

And he had slipped through my fingers like sand, awkwardly proposing to Chi-Chi and looking to me for comfort. My heart had hammered with terror and my palms were slick with sweat but I managed to give him a thumbs-up for comfort. He had smiled at me, crooked and bewildered.

"_Please answer!"_

I cried into my gloves as snow blew around me in delicate circles. I was such an idiot.

"What are you sniveling about, woman?"

Beside me stood two familiar white boots covered in snow, leading up to Vegeta with his arms folded in withheld fury across his barreled chest. His expression was hard and indifferent but I could see his nose had turned pink from the cold and his Saiyan armor looked wet from the snow. I wiped my nose and stood, holding myself and shivering. He hadn't gone very far.

Vegeta's eyes narrowed. "Kakarot is flying all over the place looking for _you_. Trouble in paradise?"

There were a million things I could've screamed in his face at that moment. He was callous, a rude bastard who refused to become a part of the society he now lived in. His pride would be his downfall in the end and he would never understand basic human courtesy. I clenched my hands into fists, trembling with rage under his intense, unyielding gaze. Vegeta was such a goddamn asshole.

But we were forever bound by the life we had lost together. I didn't know if that counted as love, really, but I figured it was better than nothing. I had promised to marry him and I couldn't go back on that. Maybe we would grow to love each other over the years, gradually realizing that we were meant for one another, or maybe it would be corrupted into a pervasive hatred. I wasn't entirely sure, even at 30 years old. Love was always a mystery to me.

The Saiyan prince grunted in surprise and stumbled backwards when I threw my arms around his neck and buried my face in his shoulder to cry. His arms hesitated in space, unsure of whether or not to return the gesture, but he soon realized he was invited to embrace me in return. Vegeta held me firmly and soon the sound of Goku's voice faded into the snowy winter morning.

"Let's go home," I whispered.

We walked on foot for a while and Vegeta eventually grew impatient with me stumbling through the snow, so he hoisted me onto his back. After another fifteen minutes we began to fly through the chilly atmosphere toward the city and I closed my eyes. Everything would go back to normal again.

Capsule Corp. was quiet and empty. Vegeta set me down carefully inside the front door and shut it behind us as I pulled off my cold outwear, sniffling miserably to myself. He took off the scarf and carelessly threw it on the couch while I struggled to get my boots off and the socks that had been doused with snow. He tapped his foot on the ground as I finished up, shuffling toward the staircase with my arms folded over my chest. It was way too goddamn cold.

But I didn't feel Vegeta's presence behind me. I turned to see him still standing near the door, eyeing me unsurely standing on the fifth step. With a roll of the eyes I beckoned him to follow and he did so slowly, still hovering back like I was about to trap him. It made sense. After everything that had happened, I would've been just as hesitant to blindly follow orders if I were him.

Vegeta returned to himself in my bedroom, no longer asking questions. As soon as my door was shut his arms were around me once again and his mouth was on mine, passionate and possessive. I'd expected him to yell or throw a fit about me staying at Goku's and sending him away so heartlessly the day before but Vegeta wasn't really a man interested in words when actions spoke so much louder. His warm hands slipped under my dampened shirt, heady with lust and purpose.

It was far tamer than our other night together. I mewled and writhed underneath his almost calculative thrusts, trying to get a more ferocious response, but Vegeta was uncharacteristically restrained. He pulled me on top of him and held my hips to control the speed of my movements rather than pinning me down and growling obscenities into my ear. His hands roamed down my body until we were both finished, at which point he hazily watched my expression and ground hard inside of me.

Afterwards, I didn't even need a cigarette to calm down, and when I rose to go to the bathroom, Vegeta was fast asleep under my covers. It was the first night we slept in bed together.

Months wore on like that, passing in a blur, and I slowly pushed thoughts of Goku from my mind. Chi-Chi didn't call and Gohan didn't stop by to visit and I prayed they had sorted everything out. I spent my days working on new inventions and my nights with Vegeta, trying to involve myself as best as I could in our sex life. It felt like nothing would ever change, until the day it finally did an entire year later.

Vegeta emerged from the training room while I was sitting at the kitchen table, reading the newspaper out of sheer boredom. I glanced up to see him looking more agitated than he had in a while and watched him storm across the room to the front door. I leapt from my chair curiously as he pulled on an ugly pink shirt I insisted he never wear.

"What's wrong?" I asked.

He was scowling. "Nothing. I felt a strange power level."

"Bring me with you! I want to see what it is."

"Are you insane?!"

"Don't be a jerk, Vegeta," I said, hurrying to get dressed. "Everyone is gonna be there and I have seen them since the fight on Namek. Come on, I'm not _that_ heavy."

"Hmph. Your funeral."

We crossed the vast desert and ocean on the way to the strange power level and I realized with a pounding heart that no one knew I was with Vegeta yet. Hopefully their wounds had healed since the last time they had all been together. I clung to him and squeezed my eyes shut as forests raced by beneath us so quickly they seemed to disappear. It would be okay. I just wanted to see Krillin and the others and make sure Gohan was feeling better.

There were people standing in a congregation in the midst of the badlands and Vegeta landed gracefully outside of the group, quickly allowing me off his back. I dusted my clothes off as Gohan excitedly called my name and ran toward me to say hello, bright and healthy as ever. Krillin waved with a wide grin and Yamcha and Tien greeted me as well, though Piccolo remained stoic as ever. I was happy they were happy to see me—I'd been expecting much worse.

But there was an unfamiliar face across the sandy earth that roused my attention. It was a young man, wearing a jacket that had the Capsule Corp. logo emblazoned on the shoulder. His hair was short and a unique shade of purple but I couldn't see his face well, because he quickly looked away from me.

Gohan offered me a soda. "This is Trunks! He came here and killed the bad guys before any of us could do a thing, and now we're waiting for dad to show up. Isn't that cool, Bulma?"

"Uh… yeah, sure." I narrowed my eyes and strode over to sit beside the stranger, immediately drawing color to his cheeks. "So do you work for Capsule Corp.? I've never seen you around and I usually attend most of the meetings and tour the main offices. Where in the building do you work?"

"I'm… I'm just a fan," he replied awkwardly. "Sorry."

We waited for a long time, me with knots in my stomach, for Goku to arrive. Vegeta sat on his own rock away from the group and kept glaring at Trunks which only made the kid even more nervous. I wondered where the hell he was from and how he had gotten his hands on one of Capsule Corp.'s jackets. They were only supposed to be given to higher-level employees.

Then Gohan suddenly jumped from the rock he was sharing with Piccolo. "It's my dad!"

An aura of golden light appeared from the horizon and sure enough, I could discern Goku's hair within it as he flew at full speed toward the group. Everyone stood and began to cheer at the sight of him while I quietly relegated myself to picking at lint on my dress. Everything was behind us but I couldn't bring myself to watch as he landed amongst the group and ruffled Gohan's hair. Even a quick glance could be the end of all my hard work.

"Nice outfit, Kakarot," Vegeta sneered.

I hid my face further in my hands. Oh god, were they going to duke it out in front of everyone?

Goku laughed dismissively. "At least it isn't pink!"

The boy sitting beside me rose with the increased volume of laughter and approached Goku, who immediately quieted down. I peered from between my fingers to watch the two of them and was relieved to see that Goku looked perfectly fine; he actually seemed beatific. His black eyes studied Trunks while he spoke and the two suddenly left together, putting an enormous amount of space between themselves and the rest of the Z Fighters.

They talked for a long time. I eventually gave up on hiding my shame and drank my soda, thoroughly bored with the situation. I'd hoped there would still be a bad guy to watch get pummeled into the ground but apparently Trunks had already finished the job. Vegeta tapped his fingers irately and Piccolo had his eyes closed, enormous green ears twitching in Goku's direction.

It hadn't been as difficult to see him as I imagined. We had resolved the situation like adults and moved on to where we needed to be. The burning desire and consuming love I had for Goku had relented and faded back inside my soul to hide where it always had been, breaking me free of my addiction.

Piccolo suddenly stiffened and his eyes shifted to me for a fraction of a second.

Goku returned alone and Piccolo explained that Trunks was from the future, which we were all a bit skeptical about. I assumed the Namekian had looked at me out of sheer coincidence and didn't pay any attention to the strange glance but soon felt black eyes glancing at me while the others were enraptured. Vegeta was arguing with Piccolo as Goku casually sat beside me, once again making my chest constrict uncomfortably.

"Hi, Bulma," he said.

I almost fell apart and it was only two goddamn words. But I stretched a smile politely, "Hey, how have you been?"

The Saiyan shrugged and I could smell pine and evergreen. "Not too bad, I guess. Chi-Chi came back and Gohan is all better now so I have nothing to complain about. How um…" He shifted, nodding toward Vegeta's furious face. "How're things with him?"

"Pretty good. We haven't gotten married yet." _Shit_, what the hell did Goku care about me getting married now?

"Really?" he said, suddenly perking up. "That's…" His eyes roamed to the spot where he had been talking to Trunks and his shoulders sagged. "That's, uh, too bad. I hope you do soon."

"Yeah. Me too."

Soon the argument was over and we all disbanded. I swore it was the last time I would speak to Goku as I flew away on Vegeta's back. But I glanced back to see him with his hands on his hips, watching with a tormented expression while Gohan waved eagerly with both hands to bid us farewell.

I'd never had good self-control.


End file.
